


Four vampires and a cradle

by Strange_doll_from_Hell



Series: Family [1]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Dark Comedy, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Murder, but not from the vampires, vampire morality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strange_doll_from_Hell/pseuds/Strange_doll_from_Hell
Summary: Inspired by a list of headcanons that I had written for fun but that many seem to have appreciated. Nadja and Laszlo adopt a child, let's see how they do.





	1. Little one

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the ideas come from my list but I am open to everyone's ideas if you want to propose something.It doesn't have to be in chronological order either. It was also written before the last two episodes so some headcanons no longer make sense. Don't worry, I have plenty of other ideas.  
> Link to the headcanon list for the curious.  
> https://sweetdollfromhell.tumblr.com/post/184996950012/a-little-idea-for-an-au-of-wwdits-fx#notes

5 years ago

-I'm going to show you something and then you couldn't stop yourself from turning me!  
-Oh really, Evelyne? Laszlo said, clearly doubting the statement.  
-It's Elveo, corrected the familiar.  
-I'm sure it says your name is Evelyne on your ID card., Nadja continued.  
-No, it's my human name. Elveo is my vampire name, she says with a big smile.  
-You're still a mortal. And I didn't change my name when I became a creature of the night," Nadja said dryly.  
-Well, I'm not like other vampire or human girls. And it's only a matter of time, well better get people used to it now.  
She didn't seem to realize that only missing a better option for a familiar would prevent Nadja from killing that pretentious, misogynistic little shit. Special people don't have to say it every 5 minutes and if she thinks Nadja was going to have supported her for the rest of eternity, she sticks his finger in his eye up to her shoulder.  
-Whatever, what you wanted to show us? continues Laszlo.  
Evelyne had insisted that they go to his apartment to show them something. After the familiar invited them, they had signed them to move into her small living room. They had heard another heartbeat in the apartment but Nadja took it for granted that it must has be a pet.  
Evelyne proudly took out his laptop and when she opened it started explaining to them:  
-I found a way to have you deliver virgins as often as you want with a minimum chance of falling on a lemon.  
-If you're talking about Christian dating sites, we've already tried it and it's not great. It's hard to get rid of all their crucifies and for a rate of barely a quarter, Nadja laughed.  
-Oh no, I found something much better," she said proudly, turning the computer towards them, revealing its content.  
Nadja and Laszlo bend over to see and look at the screen before Laszlo asks:  
-I didn't know it was still legal to sell children.  
-Oh, it's not selling. Some are even free. They are adopted or foster children who cannot stay where they are because no one wants them, are not manageable or for whatever reason.  
-Isn't there some kind of legal protection? The last thing we want is to attract the attention of the authorities...continued Nadja.  
-Nah, adopted children are not like biological children: you can simply hand them over with a notary, or even just an oral contract. Readopted with a discount or dropped off at a children's fair is also an option, no checkup background. You will have no problem! Just give different names and at worst use hypnosis, everything will be fine, she continued with a shit-eating smile, clearly proud of herself. -I ordered one, you know, I'll get it for you, by getting up without waiting for their answers.  
-So that's the second heartbeat…Laszlo said as he looked at his wife that would keep an indecipherable expression.  
-Here we are, said Evelyne, on the way back holding a baby seat or a child 2 years old or younger was tied up a car seat. The child tries to get out of the seat, irritated but otherwise seemed in good shape.  
-I was lucky, I found this one for free. They wanted to get rid of her and I suppose they could send her back to her country of origin. Probably because she's a dirty little brat. I almost gave him nightquill but I didn't know how long it would take to get him out of her system. But don't worry, she's clean, healthy and virgin.  
Laszlo just looked at Nadja waiting for her reaction.  
\- Are you comfortable with what's going to happen to her?  
Evelyne replied without hesitation.  
\- Of course, you have to live well. I mean, we have an overcrowding problem, no one wants her, and her future is not exactly bright. A life of abuse, probably falling into crime and dying young by giving nothing good to society except to create another kid as bad as she is and that will be a burden to all the society. It's compassion in a way to stop it now and allow her existence of service to something.  
Nadja smiles then before turning to her husband:  
\- You know what, I'm in the mood for a little meal. Do you want to eat to, darling?  
-No, I'm fine. I'll take care of the rest.  
Evelyne put the toddler on the floor and started to undo her collar, excited about the idea of being turn.  
Except that Nadja went to her while Laszlo freed the toddler from his seat.  
-..I..I think Laszlo was going to turn me…  
-No, but don’t worry I'm in the mood to show compassion and allow you to serve to something better, Elveo, Nadja said in a soft voice.  
The woman didn't even have time to try to escape.

  
************************************************************************************************************************************

Okay, Nadja lied a little bit: there was nothing like compassion in these actions. But Elveo was doing something positive with his pathetic existence.  
Laszlo, for his part, tries to keep the little one focused on him rather than Nadja. For a reason he never really understood, babies like him and he also appreciates them...until they start crying.  
-No, no, look at me, little one…  
But the toddle seemed uninterested in the vampire holding her in his arms and more curious about the noise caused by Nadja and their former familiar.  
Suddenly a little blood was thrown and drawn right into the toddler's face.  
-Oh sh..," Laszlo began, were preparing for the tearful outburst that was to follow.  
But the tears never came, the little girl just laughed.  
Laszlo was first surprised before smiling amused. He would have liked that the one he found in the 1930s had a good spirit like this one.  
-Well, well, aren't you a terrible bantling?  
The little girl started laughing again but also spreading blood on her face and hands as if it were paint.  
\- Oh no, lass. Don't do that, you must stay presentable, Laszlo began to say and as if by reflex, he is licking his thumb to rub the blood off the toddler's face to clean it.  
-Awww!!!  
Laszlo turned to see Nadja who had abandoned the body mangle of their ex-familiar and looked at them with pure adoration.  
-Darling? Everything is fine?  
\- Of course, everything's fine. Look at this little armadillo, shed said taking the toddler from Laszlo's arms who were chirping with joy at the attention she was receiving. - You're small but you have hard skin, aren't you little one? Are you want to come with us, baby?  
-WHAT? Can't you be serious?  
-And why not? You heard that bitch Evelyne, she's ours, nobody wants her. Look! Look! She already loves us, Nadja continued while rocking the happy toddler.  
-At her age, she must love everyone! Or have the worst instinct for survival ever, try to reason Laszlo. -She's charming enough to make you want to eat her, I'll give it to you. But you see us taking care of a lass?  
-I know how! I had to take care of all my brothers and sisters since I knew how to walk. I still remember.  
-Well, I don't. I was the Benjamin and all I had to know about it was how to make them.  
-You can learn, or we can take a familiar that also be a nanny. And why so much hesitation, Mr. I turned a baby because I was bored!  
\- I said I was sorry! And I don't understand why you want to repeat my mistake!  
\- I don't want to turn her, I want to raise her!  
\- You are interested in playing mommy? Laszlo asked surprised - I never thought you'd regret not having children.  
-I don't regret it. I don't regret being married to someone I don't like, having to lay a herd of children for him, putting my life on the line until he has the male heir he considers worthy of him and making him 6 more in case he dies on the way. But having only one with someone I love whose only request is to be healthy and who won't destroy my vulva, or even tear me to the anus. I think…I think will be easy I'll let myself be tempted," Nadja said, rubbing her nose against the one of the little girl's. -Isn't that wonderful, my little one? I don't need you; I want you!  
-Not destroying your vulva is indeed a great benefit. My mother's vulva had to be a masterpiece before me and my sibling went through it, said with horror Laszlo in front of the realization.  
Then he got back on track.  
\- I tried it once, it was a fucking disaster! They're so cute for two hours and then they cry, ask for your attention, break your stuff and throw up on the beautiful capes you bought them. Let's put her in front of a door with a note saying she's from a noble lineage and wish her good luck.  
\- Because my darling, you and your sex are raised thinking that children are dolls with a heartbeat. You can play with it when you want and when they cause problems, they stop being yours. But you know better now. We take care of her for 16 years, at worst 19 years, we all learn what there is to know and here we are: a baby vampire who already knows everything and ready for eternal life. And we're not going to be the fourth to abandon her!  
\- The fourth? What do you mean?  
\- The people who made her, the people who paid to have her before changing their minds, our bitch of ex-familiar and us, listed Nadja. -That's a lot for a little innocent thing like her.  
-And for that reason, I want to write a letter saying that she is the secret heir to a fortune. No one will dare to get rid of her like that, Laszlo continued proudly before noticing his wife's look at him. The look that says you're going to sleep in the attic for the next year.  
\- Very well.  
Laszlo was shocked to see that he had won the argument. And by be the more the mature person of both! Oh, it feels so good!  
\- Go carry her to a place where she will be fine. I want you to bring me back some proof later, continued coldly Nadja.  
Laszlo's smile faded  
-… Aren't you coming with me?  
-No. You don't want her, Laszlo. All right. But my heart is breaking, and I don't want to be on the list of people who threw her away like garbage, said Nadja giving the toddler to Laszlo who was following the conversation without really understanding.  
-Don't you think you're overreacting a little? And your heart is broken after having known for her less than a quarter of an hour?  
-Yeah, you're right. We won't know the situation his blood relatives are in; it would be unfair to put them in the same bag as the others. And as far as I know, I haven't known you as long when I offered you immortality.  
It was a low blow, but Nadja liked what she saw in that little girl. And if life was less terrible now that when she was still human, being a foreign woman without a family was always the worst. She couldn't save everyone (or kill all the idiots), she could have done something for that little girl. A beautiful waste.  
-Nadja, swee…  
-I'll wait for you at home, cut him off Nadja before turning into a bat.

  
********************************************************************************************************************************

Laszlo had finished "cleaning" whatever's her name was apartment and picked up the little girl's things. Putting her back in her seat was probably the most complicated part of the whole operation, but Laszlo finally convinced her after giving her a plastic figurine of the deceased. Laszlo had finally made his way to a neighborhood not too far from theirs where the families seemed abundant.  
-So let's see: I think there are at least 3 houses with people who have children. These ones have a pool, would you like to live with people who have a pool?  
The toddler looked up at him and pushed a kind of happy squeak.  
\- I'll take that as a yes. I'm sure it'll be fine, bantling. Let's go meet your new parents.  
The little girl squealed joyfully again and reached out her hand towards Laszlo's face. She still had blood on her hand and tried to get Laszlo's mouth close to her like he was animal to feed in a zoo.  
\- No, I'm not a pony and I'm not licking old dry blood that doesn't even come from a virgin. Don't do that, the next person you do this to may not be as merciful as I am and eat your cute little fingers.  
Laszlo pretended to bite his hand. The girl tried to kick him by pushing what Laszlo identified as a war cry...if you were a puppy that had just stopped suckling his mother. Laszlo grabbed the foot and mocked gently:  
\- Missed! I am the winner of our duel.  
Laszlo came down very quickly when he heard a sound of whining.  
-Hey, all right. Let's say a tie game! he said, letting go of his foot. -It's blackmail, I didn't even squeeze your foot, I just stopped it.  
She continued the sound; oh no Laszlo is not in the mood for child screaming while the day rises in 2 hours.  
Well, more than he to take her out of her seat and just hope it will just work with his voice. He began to hum the first thing that comes to mind. It was not his fault that his hypnosis only works with animals with music. And let's be honest, at this age, there's not much difference with a cat.  
To Laszlo's great joy, the toddler began to fall asleep quickly in Laszlo's arms.  
-We're not so smart now, are we? Laszlo said softly. - Nobody wouldn't guess the she-devil that you really are like that, bantling.  
The little girl just put herself more cosy in Laszlo's arms. He observed one last time before whispering:  
-Goodnight sweet princess and flights of bats sing thee to thy rest. You'll be home soon…  
Nadja was worried, Laszlo had still not returned, and the sun will rise in half an hour. What was taking so long? Maybe Nadja should have crushed on her pride and helped Laszlo. She wanted the kid safe but not at Laszlo's expense.  
Nadja was about to try to call her husband by the void when a taxi stopped in front of their house. The driver exited; his eyes empty to get out of the bags in the trunk.  
Laszlo also gets out of the taxi to go to the driver:  
-Just put the bags in front of the door and you will forget your last customer and his payment, thank you. Oh darling, sorry for the delay, it was longer than expected.  
\- Did you drop her at a good place? Ask Nadja.  
\- I don't know, dear, maybe you could ask her what she thinks, Laszlo continued, taking the child out of the taxi.  
Nadja almost tore the toddler from his arms to her great joy.  
\- Not yet all your teeth and already seducing men has your will. You going to be a real vixen when you bloomed! Nadja said with pride.  
-Let's see how it goes in the next few days before we make plans for the coming years.  
\- Says the vampire who bought enough merchandise for triplets.  
\- I know your family had little means, but it's the barely necessary. There are diapers, food, clothes and some toys for the Miss's pleasure.  
\- I could have made some for her.  
\- My love, they're not fools. They put them at the level of the eyes and hands of the little ones and then it is easier to make a sailor leave a brothel than to take them away from them. If it is the money that worries you, know that all this is the last gift from our familiar and it is possible that I have asked the charming employee if the camera had any difficulties last night. She'll will make sure that this is the case.  
-Well if everything is good, we might as well prepare for the day. We all need sleep, Nadja said, removing the little girl from her seat and picking up several bags.

*********************************************************************************************************************************

-Ouch! Guillermo be careful!  
-Forgive me, master," said Guillermo in brushing Nandor's hair. -It was a big knot.  
-Still, it hurt, complains the vampire.  
At that moment, he saw his roommates finally returning.  
-Nadja, Laszlo at last! Have you seen the time?  
-Good evening to you too, Nandor, it was a bloody long night.  
Guillermo then noticed the toddler in Nadja's arms.  
-Ma-ma- master, have you seen …?  
-Yes, yes Guillermo, they made purchases.  
-No master, I mean...  
-Hush Guillermo, vampire talking.  
-Oh yes, fortunately there are shops open 24 hours. We're going to take some important little things and unfortunately, we had to get rid of our familiar. That's why we are late, explain Laszlo.  
-I’m sorry for your lost, said Nandor while Guillermo suddenly backed away, deciding not to insist.  
-It's not a big loss, not everyone has a Gizmo, said Nadja.  
-It Guillermo…  
-Just take the compliment, hiss Laszlo.  
-In that case, have a good day, you two. Come on, Guillermo.  
-But but Master,  
-But but what Guillermo? ask Nandor annoy .  
Guillermo pointed the little girl into the vampire's arms.  
-Master, you can't let them devour her, she's just a baby...  
Nandor's expression changed immediately but Laszlo interrupted him:  
-Oh, for pity's sake. We don't eat children. Yes, many look delicious, but virgins only gain their flavor after puberty. Not to mention that they have so little blood and people get really motivated to kill you if you even give it a try.  
-She's our little baby," Nadja proudly said.  
-Oh, if only that's all it is. Congratulations to both of you.  
Nandor then turned to his familiar:  
-Look, you're worried for nothing. Nadja and Laszlo just had a baby. They must be exhausted and you're preventing them from going to rest.  
-I’m sorry…said Guillermo confused  
-You should! Laszlo replied with anger.  
-Can we go upstairs and go to bed now? Ask Nadja. -The evening was long for everyone.  
-Off course. Sorry again. Guillermo, say sorry!  
-Sorry.  
-Good.  
Nadja and Laszlo headed for their crypt with the toddler without further delay.  
-Master…  
-What is Guillermo now?  
-I just... I didn't know vampires could have children.  
-Don’t be stupid, we're dead, we can't have any children," said Nandor, exasperated by his familiar.  
-So how did Nadja and Laszlo get their child?  
It had a long silence during which the realization struck Nandor.  
\- NADJA, LASZLO, FLAT MEETING NOW!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Sorry if Elveo-Evelyne is almost cartoonically evil but I needed us to have zero sympathy for her.  
> 2) Bantling for the curious, is a 19th century slang word to refer to a bastard child in an affectionate way... It sounded so much like something that Laszlo would say, I couldn't help but use it.  
> 3) And no, she's not Jenna, because I think Jenna would have a very different personality if she had been raised by our favorite vampires. Also, I might like to have Nadja x Jenna. The name for Laszlo and Nadja's daughter will be revealed in the next chapter and it has already been chosen. Ironically not his appearance so I'm open to your requests if you have an idea (I wanted a poc but I was unable to choose his ethnicity). I can also never describe her physically if everyone is okay with it.  
> 4) Yes, I can have watched documentaries on adoptions in the USA and it can have been a bit traumatic for me, sorry.  
> 5) This chapter was really long to write because Laszlo is the only one for whom I was confused about how he would react: on the one hand he wanted to lock Jenna in a cage and on the other hand he seems strangely obsessed with babies (he turned one into a vampire and seemed really interested in the judge's granddaughter). I'm going to go with the idea that Laszlo is one of the people who love babies or animals because they are cute before realizing that it comes with responsibilities and regretted immediately.


	2. Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to discover the name of Nadja and Laszlo's baby + the "dark" secret of someone is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so as stated in the tags: there is an implication of abuse in this chapter. The vampires do not do anything, I reassure you, but even if the suggestion of abuse is trigger for you, skip the passage when Guillermo come back from the bathroom and start again when Colin leaves the house. I apologize if the author's opinions on certain names insult you personally: all tastes are in nature (and I also laugh at mine so we're kits). Also they are ALL real name corresponding to the country or the period of time (thank you names generator).  
> Once again sorry for the mistakes: English is not my first language and I am dylexic, good reading anyway :)

-What are you thinking?! Nandor shouted.

-Could you make less noise, Nadja scolded before crying could be heard.

Nadja gave Nandor a dirty look as Laszlo got up.

-I'll take care of it. Thank you for waking her up, Nandor.

-I didn't want to... Oh no, I don't have to apologize! You stole a baby!

-We didn't steal her!

-Oh, I'm so sorry. You took her in after you murdered her parents, how generous of you!

-You really have a poor opinion of us. No, we didn't kill her parents. Our former familiar promised us a lot of virgins. She was the first of what was supposed to be the first of a long lineage. We were expecting someone at least fifteen years older.

-The bitch.

Nandor and Nadja were turning towards Guillermo, embarrassed by the sudden attention. Both seemed more amused than anything else.

-Indeed. But it's not that surprising. If you want to become a vampire, Guillermo, you're going to have to accept that people don't always get better with time, they just learn better to hide their cruelty.

-Yes master.

-The little girl was lucky, I knew people who would have accepted this offer, mortals or vampires, Nandor continued. - But luck wants they tend to have very bad accidents.

-Mehmet? Nadja asked with a smile.

Nandor lifted his shoulders, retorting:

-Hey, everyone can slide off the roof of a church and fall directly into a tank of holy water. But let's get back to the important thing: how would you take care of the little girl?

-I was the eldest daughter of 19 children, I have some experience.

-And Laszlo? I don't know if you know but nowadays, people expect the father to participate in the education of the children. I suppose we could always try to find you a nice wolf, but...

-That's nice of you, Nandor, but we'll be fine. Of course, we risk prioritizing familiar who have experience with children. But until then we'll take care of …What the bloody hell you think you're doing, Laszlo?

Laszlo would appear holding the toddler by the top of his pajamas as far away from him as possible.

-It seems the little bantling had an accident, said Laszlo with a look of disgust. -I'm not touching that!

Nadja rolled her eyes but before she intervened, Guillermo was quick to react and took the toddler from Laszlo, who immediately let her go.

-I can take care of her tonight, master.

-Thank you, Gizmo, you have my permission to go to our crypt and take everything you need," said Nadja, royally ignorant the expression of outrage from Laszlo. -Oh, can we use him to give the baby a bath, Nandor? Please?

-Just for today, accepted Nandor. -You can go, Guillermo.

-Yes Master.

When he left the room, Nadja allowed himself a small spade:

-Seriously Laszlo? It was just a little pee.

\- It's disgusting, defended himself Laszlo.

\- Strange, it seems to me that where and when you were born, people weren't very fond of taking baths, Nandor asked sincerely curious.

\- And threw your chamber pots through the window directly into the street, Nadja concluded.

\- Well, I don't know any better and I don't miss it! Laszlo replied frustrated.

Nandor felt remorse for making fun of Laszlo. Being active in the child's life was a modern concept and as foreign as him that it was to Nandor. Might as well not put salt on the wound. He decided to give him a compliment.

\- I really like your choice of name of your child. Is it English or gypsy?

\- What are you talking about? Ask Nadja.

-Bantling, that her name?

\- Oh no, it's just a pet name, explain Laszlo. -We… We don't know what her name is… Any chance she'll be able to tell us? He ask to his wife.

\- No, not so young and it is possible that she was called by different names depending on where she was. And I doubt Evelyne wrote it down somewhere.

\- Well, you can choose something you both like! Do you have any ideas? Ask Nandor.

The couple took a few seconds to think before saying at the same time:

-I like the name Luludja-Fidelia! What?

And Nandor realized he had made a big mistake.

* * *

Guillermo found everything he needed in Nadja and Laszlo's crypt. He had to give them this, they had thought of what was necessary. He should still put the food in the kitchen (their crypt was quite cold but not that cold). A large box had been padded with sheets with at least two or three plush toys nearby and placed near their coffins. Guillermo collects diapers as well as clothes (Laszlo's tastes in toddler clothes seemed to consist of christening gown, sailor suit and everything who was pastel covered with lace).

The little girl kept screaming but the hardest thing was to hold her. He ends up picking up everything he needed while the mini tornado continues to try to get out of his grip. Thank God, the bathroom had been recently washed (quickly taught you as a familiar how to get rid of blood stains). If Nadja and Laslzo were serious about having a child, he was at least trying to keep the most...mature aspects of the vampire lifestyle as far away from her as possible.

* * *

-My daughter won't have a tramp's name!

-Then why do you want to name her after your mother?

-Courtesan! My mother was a courtesan!

-Oh I’m sorry, a fancy whore! It's so much bloody better. And Luludja is not a prostitute's name, it means flower.

-Flower? Not even some kind of flower, just a flower? Why don't we just name her Table while we're at it?

-Are you sure Bantling is not an option? Ask again Nandor to receive as the only answer a hiss.

And because life was cruel, a voice was heard:

-Have you decided to stay up late?

-This is not the time, Colin Robinson.

-Why not? Trouble in paradise for the loverbirds? Ask him with his eyes turning blue.

But before Nadja and Laszlo can answer, Guillermo comes back with the child.

-Who is that...? asked the curious energy vampire.

The toddler noticed Colin Robinson's eyes and wanted to approach.

-Blu!

-Colin Robinson, don’t you dare sucks in my baby's energy! said angry Nadja

-I wouldn't dare. Your baby, really? I didn't know you were pregnant. No from Laszlo anyway, her skin is a little too dark for that.

-We have found her, Laszlo explained.

-Ah, I see.

He approached the child in Guillermo's arms.

-Do you have a plan of action?" he asked, stroking the little girl's hair.

-What?

-Not now, but she's going to have to go to school eventually. Or even just give her a little vitamin D. Have you thought about that?

-Familiar, Nadja and Laszlo said at the same time.

-You changing to it like an underwear, Colin mocked.

-Are you suggesting that Laszlo and Nadja should abandon their project? Nandor asked, ignoring the dirty look them Nadja and Laszlo's given him.

-No, I'm just offering my help.

-And what do you get out of it? If you think I'm going to let you pump the energy out of my....

-I'm not going to touch your kid's energy. We energy vampires are excellent foster parents and caregivers for children. We operate in symbiosis with them. Like the bird and the crocodile.

-What do you mean?

-They are not a food source, but they provide food like no one else. If she is good, people will approach and come to me. If she is capricious, people will tolerate her without doing anything because people are willing to tolerate far more from children that they would not otherwise and I pity the idiot who will have to face the eyes of others by complaining about a poor baby who don’t know any better. And, it makes me happy in exchange for giving her all the attention she wants or letting her let off all steam she wants.

-It's Machiavellian, Colin Robinson. I'm shocked that you're not already a litter for that! says Nandor impress.

-Perhaps one day when I have someone with whom I share this abundance, said with a smile Colin. - So, if it helps you, I can help you out on occasion. For the school, feel free to put as the resource person. 32 children slaughtering old Mcdonald's farm with the flute is really something I enjoy doing on Friday nights. You'll just have to say that I'm his godfather or....

Nadja made a sound of nausea but recovered.

-Just the word makes you sick?

...Yes, that's it, said Nadja after a hesitation. -But we'll take your offer, Colin Robinson. Isn't true Laszlo? Laszlo?

-Huh? Sorry I'm trying to imagine the concert you're describing... I can wait until I'm in hell to see it. In your metaphor, is she the bird or the crocodile?

-The Crocodile.

-Perfect then.

Nadja rolled her eyes before turning to Guillermo.

-Everything went well with our little one?

-Uh... yes. She is clean and changed but...

-But?

-She has some kind of weird mark on her lower back. It started to heal but it must have been irritated somehow.

-Let me see, Nadja said as she took the toddler and lifted her clothes. Laszlo and Nandor are approaching too.

-Oh, it’s just that, said Nandor reassured.

-Just what master? Ask Guillermo.

\- A scare from belt buckle, I'd say.

-What? But she is…

\- A little young for that to happen to her, isn't she? Nadja completed. -Some people don't bother when one in four kids don't survive past their first birthday. I don't see why they would show restraint now that there's all this science to keep them alive no matter what happens.

\- Still, at this age, one bad move and she was mutilated or killed, said coldly Colin.

-Well, she was sold, wasn't it? Clearly, they don't know how to manage her energetic personality. I hope for their sake they never have teenagers, they're much meaner and they bite back, mocked Laszlo.

-Or meets me, says Nadja, revealing her true face.

\- You look upset, Guillermo, Nandor said.

-I'm sorry, master, I'm just a little shock with…all of it.

-It's true that people are more sensitive now. Perhaps fixing before letting her leave with Colin Robinson would be better for the sake of everybody?

\- So I'm going to find where buy a cradle when you take care of it, said Colin.

\- No need, there's one in the basement, says Laszlo.

\- Why do we have a cradle in the basement?" Nandor asked confusedly.

\- It's mine and Laszlo's, we've had it for about sixty years, I think? Nadja asked, looking at her husband for confirmation.

\- I'm sorry, I misspoke. Let me change my question: why did you have a cradle? Was it to attract prey?

\- Oh, don't be ridiculous. Nadja and I had this fun game where she was a poor nanny and I was her perverted boss who...

\- CHILD, CHILD IN THE ROOM, PLEASE!!!!!! Guillermo screamed in horror as he rushed to plug the little girl's ears.

-Memories are only formed from the age of 4, said flatly Colin.

-But…

-But it doesn't matter, cut Nandor. - Laszlo's going to look for the cradle.

-Why not Gizmo?" asked frustrated Laszlo.

-Because he doesn't know where it is and he has to make the bag for our little armadillo, Nadja replied. -Come on, I don't know about you, but I want to go to bed.

Laszlo growled but obeyed.

Nadja turned to Nandor:

-Are you helping, please?

-Off course.

Nadja took the little girl until she was at eye level and said:

-Look at me, darling, look only at me, baby darling.

The toddler's eyes seem to be empty as Nadja hypnotized her. Nandor took the opportunity to lift the clothes and began to cut the skin marked to Guillermo's horror but before Guillermo could intervene, Nandor rubbed his saliva on the wound, stopping the bleeding and a new bright skin began to form.

-And we're done. The very young children heal very well and with a little vampire saliva, it's like new! Nandor explained with pride to Guillermo.

-Oh look at her! She knows that we did something, but she doesn't know what, laughs Nadja as the little girl looks around confused.

Guillermo file confused too.

-What are you waiting for? Go pack her bag.

* * *

Eventually, everyone could go to bed for a well-deserved rest (except Guillermo). When they woke up, after a good meal, Nadja and Laszlo tried to find a name for their child while waiting for them to come back with Colin Robinson.

-Have you chosen something? Ask Nandor.

-No, because nothing is good enough for mister Cravensworth!

-Oh, I'm sorry if I don't want my daughter to be mocked.

-And as far as I know, Fidelia is no longer exactly in fashion. Yet it was your first choice.

-It's sentimental! The heart has its reasons that reason ignores. But what an excuse for those?" Laszlo said, taking one of the lists that was lying around.

-Jagoda, Kveta, Slava and …I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to pronounce this one!

-It Snezana!

-Sneez-ana? Oh, it's going to be delight at school.

-Oh, please, you're just acting in bad faith.

-Do you want me to look for names from my home?" said Nandor, wanting to calm the other two.

-If you want! I give up, Nadja choose whatever you want. But if one day she gets tired of the stupid name you gave her; I'll only call her by the name she'll choose for herself. No way, she's going through the same shit as me!

-Don't be so dramatic! Laszlo is a very pleasant name, Nadja shouted at him.

-I knows! Why do you think I chose him?

-WHAT?! Scream the two other vampire.

Laszlo suddenly realized what he had just slipped with horror.

* * *

-How are you feeling? Personally, I ate like a king," said Colin, bringing the child home.

The toddler had tired eyes and was drowsy in the cradle. She still emitted a weak sound that sounded like blue.

-Are you tired? It's normal, you worked well today, and you too ate well. Are we almost home... I'm dreaming or did your mother make us dessert? I don't know if I can swallow anything else," laughs Colin.

He sees Laszlo desperately tried to reach the handle, but an invisible wall seemed to hold him back.

-LET ME IN!!!!!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE TOO, YOU CAN'T KICK ME OUT! NANDOR! NADJA MY LOVE PLEAAAAAASSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Hey Laszlo, did you forget your keys?

-NOT-AT-THE-MOMENT, COLIN-ROBINSON!!!!! scolded Laszlo with real face now visible.

-Easy, Laszlo, you're going to stress the little one out, Colin continued very calmly.

-It is because of her that I am in this situation, because I wanted to act as a good parent! continued to complain Laszlo.

Colin kept his smile on, put a child in his arms and opened the door and said: -You can go home, Laszlo.

* * *

-Hello, everyone.

Nadja and Nandor were in the entrance, clearly angry with a confused Guillermo.

-What's he doing here? Ask Nandor.

-I let him in, it's not that I'm not touched that you prepared a meal for me as a thank-you, but I'd like to understand what happened?

-What's going on is that we don't know who this person is who claims to be Laszlo Cravensworth, explain Nandor.

-You're being unfair! Cravensworth is really my last name, I just changed my first name! Of all that I have done in my mortal and immortal life, you want to drive me away for that? Nandor, you know how it feels! How can you do it to a friend? …Nadja, darling, what are you holding in your hand?

-Just our marriage certificate. Since it no longer has any legal value, I might as well throw it away.

Laszlo looked like he was about to burst into tears.

Guillermo was the first to be surprised to hear himself say:

-Master, maybe…

-Silent Guillermo, vampire business.

The girl started squealing worried and Laszlo mechanically started running his fingers through her hair before he said:

-For what it's worth, I signed our marriage certificate with my real name.

-Liar, it says Laszlo! Nadja said angry.

-Look closely, please, plaid his husband.

-Guillermo, magnifying glass! Nandor ordered.

Even Colin approached the document leaving Laszlo alone with the baby in the entrance.

-It says L.A.S.Z.L.O…Are those your initials? Nadja asked surprised.

-You have six names? Asking too Nandor.

-Yes. The nobles generally have at least four names, but it can go up to seven. My family was rich, owns land but our order in succession was quite bad. In the three figures and it didn't start with a one. So, I think Father overcompensated a little.

-So, what's your real name? Nadja insisted.

-Is this necessary? Ask Laszlo.

Nadja's expression clearly said, "Are you fucking serious"?

Laszlo muttered something incomprehensible.

-I'm sorry, what? Most people in that room have super powerful senses and we haven't heard anything!

Laszlo took a deep breath and said solemnly:

-My real name is Llewellyn Augustus Stephen Zephyr Livingstone Oral Cravensworth.

Nadja and Nandor seemed vaguely horrified, but Laszlo was more worried about Colin's expression of joy.

-Do you want to call me by that name in public or even in private, my love? Maybe I misjudged and one of them seems like crazy erotic to you?

-I … I think I'll be fine. Laszlo definitely sued you better.

-Your parents seemed to have unusual tastes, tried to say politely Nandor.

-That's what happens when you have three older brothers who don't have the decency to die before you're born. You end up with the rest that no one wants.

-I'm not saying that, Llewellyn. I think they're great. Zephyr is not the name of the little monkey in Barba? said smiling Colin.

-I really should have waited until you were out of the room before saying that, didn't I? Or puncture your eardrums?

Colin who didn't seem to be scare by Laszlo's threat, just nodded.

\- So now that everyone has seen my dirty laundry, can we never talk about it again including you Colin Robinson, and can we find a name for our Bantling before she goes through puberty?

\- Of course, says Nadja.

\- Can't promise, says Colin.

\- Well, while you were thinking about your actions out there, I asked Guillermo to make me a list of names that are in vogue in this century, Nandor proudly explained. -There's probably something good in it. Guillermo lists now!

* * *

Two hours later.

\- No, not Catherine, Nadja said.

\- Why not? Many great women were called Catherine, asked Laszlo.

\- Justly, far too many people have noticed it. -We kill at least one Catherine or variation of her name per week. Can we at least take something less common?

\- Fair enough, next Guillermo!

\- Uh...says Guillermo looking at what little remains on his list. -Elizabeth?

\- -Oh, it's not a bad choice. Maybe Erzebeth or Elise as the music you love," Nadja said as she turned to her husband.

-No. They're all crazy on one level or another. Some are the fun kind of crazy, but I prefer not to be tenting the devil.

-Next Guillermo.

\- I just have Justine left," said the familiar pitifully.

\- Justine? Seriously? said Laszlo disgusted. -A stupid victim's name? You could have at least offered her sister, Laszlo mocked.

\- I'm not sure I understand...says Guillermo.

-Justine, or The Misfortunes of Virtue by the Marquis of Sade and his sequel [Juliette, or Vice Amply Rewarded](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juliette_\(novel\)). They are among the greatest works of philosophy of the French literature. We see who went to university here! replied Laszlo snobbishly.

Before Guillermo could defend himself, Nadja said:

-I don't hate it.

-What?

-Juliet. I think I like it.

-Juliet Cravensworth…It has a nice sound.

Both look at each other before Laszlo dares to ask the dreaded question:

-What are we just find a name that we both like?

Nadja smiled and nodded.

-Finally, I swear that taking Constantinople was more easy that helping you choose a name, Nandor complained.

-In fact, we have one more thing to do," Nadja corrected. -For the other names....

-You know what? Keep Guillermo as long as you need him and send him to my room afterwards, see you later Guillermo ! Nandor said, already trying to get out the room.

-I don't want to give him five more! Just one more is enough, said Nadja. -And I think I have a name you're going to like, darling. Not your mother's name, she said before she added, seeing her husband's disappointed expression.

-What do you think of Henrietta?

-Like my sister?

-It seems appropriate to me. If your sister and I had never been lovers, I wouldn't have found myself hiding to the ceiling because she thought her husband came home when you were the one arriving to tell her he was coming. If it weren't for her, I would not have seen you, found, killed and given you the immortal life.

-It is true that with my mother, she is the only member of my family that I have never wish to murder," says Laszlo clearly touched.

-Oh it's really beautiful, can't you find Guillermo? asked Nandor.

-I suppose so, master, said the familiar more troubled than anything else.

Nadja picks up the girl from the ground and sits with her against her husband who put his arm around her.

-Welcome home Juliet.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1)So yes, the thing of many names in the noble is true even if I'm not sure it's everywhere the same. This is the case of my father's family even when theys lost their titles (so for a long time I thought dumbs mary-sue like names was the norm).  
> 2) The thing about Laszlo's name comes from one of my (also British) friends who knows that as much he could understand for Nandor or Viago that the names do not match the period or the region, find an English name of the XVII or XVII was easy ...So that my headcanon for why an English nobleman has a Hungarian name.  
> 3) About Laszlo's mother being a courtesan is just for my mental health: Laszlo said his vulva garden was filled with the vulvas of her favorite lovers and prostitutes ... I sleep better thinking that Laszlo's mother was doing just the oldest profession in the world and Laszlo is just a proud mama boy who sees nothing wrong with his mother job. Better than the alternative ...  
> 4) Same thing with his sister, it made more sense to me that Nadja went to her before Laszlo and that he was just cool with that because he was close to his sister.  
> 5) Once again if you have ideas, do not hesitate to propose them. Juliet may be older in the next chapters unless you have an idea for another toddler story.  
> 6) Thank again for have read my chapter and sorry to be so slow. ^^


	3. Meet Juliet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm really slow my publication.And despite my efforts, still too much error (blame my dyslexia and the fact that English is not my first language). This chapter is really more like a presentation that anything else. I'll try to make the next chapters into real little stories. Hope you like it.

A little girl is sitting on the sofa with Nadja and Laszlo.  
-So, do you understand how it works? asked Laszlo.  
-I just answer questions honestly and if at the end, there is something I want removed from the documentary, it is my right since it is my information, answer the child.  
-Exactly and there is no wrong answer. We just want people to understand our way of life a little better. The rest of the time you can just ignore the camera, Nadja added. -So are you ready?  
-I am!

Juliet now alone, smiling at the camera.  
-Hello, my name is Juliet Cravensworth and I will soon be 7 years old. I'm not a vampire yet, my mum and my dad want to wait until I'm older. My favorite color is purple and my favorite pet is... I'm not sure, I hesitate between cats, bats, geckos, dog or chupacabra. Can they all be? Yes? Yeah!  
-I know how to play the piano and I learn the violin. I also know how to speak several languages: I speak English of course, Romanian, enough Rumani to understand it, but it's not perfect. Turkish, Latin, Spanish, some French and Nandor taught me Al-quolanudarian. It is the language of his former country. It no longer exists now. My mum says it's no use, but I like it. It's like our secret language of me and Nandor.

We now see Juliet in front of paintings.  
-This is my dad. He was born in England in the 17th century and was the most handsome man in his village. I guess looking like Steven Toast was super sexy back then. My mum transformed him. It's really nice of her because my dad fall really sick at that time and he wasn't very happy when he was human anyway. Papa taught me how to play the piano and violin.  
Show Juliet sits with Laszlo who helps her place her hands on the piano.  
-He says it doesn't matter if I'm slow as long as I apply myself. And when I'm advanced enough, he'll write the music for the modern songs I like.  
\- We do gardening together too. Look, it's my blackberry bush. He's not ready to bear fruit yet, but he will. Papa has plenty of buss: in the form of animals, creatures and his favorite ladies.  
Look at the vulva-shaped bushes.  
-Papa calls them his horizontal smiles and said Mama and Nana have the most pretty one. 

-This is my mum. She was born somewhere in the Balkans in the 16th century. She comes from a beautiful island that was full of snakes. It was because the snakes spent most of their time making babies. She was really poor, and people were really mean to her. But one day, a vampire changed her on a whim and her life changed a lot too. She must have left in a hurry because people don't react really well to her un-holy transformation. But mama is a badass and she has risen through the ranks of the vampire society. That's why my parents and Nandor went to America. Baron Afanas, who is a distinguished member of the royal vampire family, personally charged them with conquering the new world! It can a work and progress.I know he's a big deal in the vampire community: he's very scary and very powerful. But my parents seem to have had a good time with him, so he can't be that bad?  
-Mama teaches me a lot of important things like seduce people. It's going to help me for more finding my futur food.  
Show Juliet talking on the phone:  
-Yes, I'm home alone on Thursday nights. Of course, you can come. I look forward to meeting you and showing how the grown-ups kiss.  
Nadja silently encourages her daughter proudly.  
-Are you a virgin? It's important to me to make it special!  
After hearing the answer, she turned to my mother and whispered:  
-He says yes, but I have a feeling he'd say anything for me to I accept.  
-If he's not, it doesn't matter. At least we'll give some help, smile Nadja.  
Juliet smiled back before saying on the phone:  
-See you Thursday.  
-She also teaches me to become strong because I am a girl, a stranger and I am smart. So there's always gonna be jerks who'll be mean to me because of that.  
Show Juliet playing in the park with a little Hispanic girl before a boy pushed them violently.  
-Out of my way, you Beeps!  
The little girl cries but Juliet frowned, raised her up and whispered something in her ear. Go back to the boy who runs. Juliet appears in front of him and the little girl behind him. Both of them kick him into the genitals in sync. The boy starts crying as Juliet walks away with a bad smile and her friend.

-My parents have been together for several centuries and if they are still super happy together. I admit that sometimes they show it in a strange way.  
Show Nadja chasing Laszlo with a sword.  
-I gonna fucking kill you!  
-AAAHHHHHH!!!  
Juliet just looks out of the corner of her eye and just take an apple from the fridge.  
-They are just like cats, they will chase each other around the house screaming, then you will find them later on rolling in a ball together further away.  
Juliet knocks on the door of the fancy room where we hear laughter.  
-Can I come in, please?  
-Of course, sweetheart.  
In the fancy room, the sword is deeply embedded in the wall. Laszlo is sitting down in one of the sofas, with his hair tousled and his collar open. Nadja is on top of him, her face in his neck, her hair dishevelled too.  
-Do you need help with something, Bantling?  
-Can one of you sign my paper for school please?  
-Sure, give it to me.  
Nadja managed to bend over enough to put the sheet on the small table and sign it while remaining partly on her husband.  
-There you go.  
As Juliet walks through the door, Laszlo talks to her:  
-Beford you go princess, if someone is looking for us, can you tell them we're busy in the fancy room and not to disturb us?For one hour or two.  
-Let's say two or three instead, said Nadja.  
Laszlo with a big smile:  
-Good initiative, my love.  
-Okay, I'll see you later.  
Juliet closes the door before turning to the camera:  
-See what I mean?

Juliet brings out a history book and opens it on a page with a portrait of Nandor.  
-He was pretty proud when I showed him.  
-Nandor was born 1262 in Al-Quolanudar but he was sent to live with a sultan of the Ottoman Empire. He was really mean but Nandor, several other children and one of the sultant's sons killed him. The sultan's son then took his place and gave his own army to conquer new territory. And he conquered, killed, tortured, win a cool nickname and many other interesting things. When he tells all this, it sounds like a really cool adventure movie. Probably rate R. When he returned in his home country, married 37 women and have like 42 kids. I would have liked to have met them. They could have been like my cousins. But during a battle he was turned into a vampire. Nandor says he didn't change that much with his transformation, but his people didn't think the same thing, forcing them to move. I think that on this detail, he lies a little bit because I find him very different now from the guy in the books. I mean, he's still badass, but he's watching rom-com.  
Leans for whispered:  
-He cried at the end of the fault in our stars.  
Show Nandor wiping his eyes as Guillermo tries to comfort him.  
-He also teaches me things.  
Show Nandor positioning Juliet with a bow and a arrow close to a worried Guillermo with a target.

Juliette is now sitting among photo albums.  
-I like to look at them because it's funny to see them try different styles. That's them in hippies, punk and oh found!  
Show a picture of Colin.  
-That's Colin Robinson and I know it doesn't look like it, but he's the coolest guy ever!

Shown Colin talking to the cameraman:  
-I really don't know which tie is better: grey or beige?

Return to Juliet.  
-My parents and Nandor can't really come to see me at school for shows or special days because...well they burn in the sun. And Guillermo is Nandor's familiar, he must take care of Nandor's problems first. So Colin Robinson usually takes care of it. He comes whenever he can and he's always happy to be there. I'm not sure how to say this, but Colin Robinson just knows what to do when I'm not well.  
Juliet getting out of school and getting on the bus. She's going to sit next to Colin annoying several other passages.  
-I'll get back to you on that in a moment," said Colin as he turned to the girl.  
-Bad day?  
Juliet nods her head.  
-There's an ice cream shop, do you want us to have something to eat before we get home?  
Juliet nods again.  
-Perfect. Or was I talking about the new tax on maintenance wood? asked Colin, bringing his attention back to his victims.

Close-up of the ice cream store. Shrieking scream.  
-I WANT IT! I WANT IT! Juliet screams in the shop.  
-I'm sorry, but I was recommended to let her lose her nerves," says Colin calmly as her eyes turn blue.  
5 minutes later, Colin goes out with Juliet who holds a huge ice cream in her hand. Both smiling. 

-Oh, I almost forgot, Guillermo, said Juliet. -Guillermo is a familiar. How do you explain... it's like an intern. He works for Nandor for free and he could eventually if he is good enough, he could become a vampire. My parents have them too....but they're not very good at keeping them.  
Image of June killed by the baron and Justin crushed by a library.  
-I try not to get attached... or learn their names. But with Guillermo it was different. He's been a family longer than I was alive. It crazy, no?  
Cut at Guillermo  
-Yes, it is.

\- Over there, c'est mon royaume! My bedroom.  
Juliet shows her room with a purple canopy bed and antique furniture.  
-It's my dresser, my desk, my vanity because I still have a reflection,my library, my wardrobe.  
She opens the wardrobe and show some closes.  
-I have modern clothes for when I go out during the day and also more classic clothes for when we have guests. Same thing for my jewelry: I have a little bit of everything in it. Some of them are Mama and Daddy's great old jewellery that they no longer use, I have some that I bought myself at the store or made at school. A few who came with the meals. I even have a small silver cross in case of emergency. I don't really like it. My favorite, for example, is them. (lifts her hair to show her pierced ears). Mama made them for me herself. The holes, not the earrings.  
-My jewelry box is a princess jewelry box because first, papa says I'm his little princess and second, it was made with the head of a real princess. Her name is Anya.Now my toys!  
Heading towards a stuffed giraffe whose neck was surrounded by ribbons.  
-Here we have my giraffe. When I stopped sleeping in my parents' crypt, they let me take one of their animals for my room. It's actually a baby giraffe because a grow-up won't fit in the house. Her name is Lavignia.  
-My stuffed animals, my spring toys, some games, my dolls. I've got a lot of it. Some are older than Colin Robinson (shows a porcelain doll) and others are more modern (shows a barbie). Let me show you my dollhouse.  
Juliet heading towards what is more of a mansion than a doll's house.  
-I really love it. Papa gave it to me after they came back from a trip.They all go out twice a year for some kind of big vampire meeting. I remember that Mama was upset because she thought it was too big a gift without a real occasion. Papa tried to calm her down by saying he picked up after finishing a meal. It didn't work. But we found a compromise. My doll's house is expensive but ...  
Juliet opens the dollhouse and signals the camera to approach.The doll's house is full of small animals (rodents, amphibians, birds and even some dwarf rabbits). Juliet turns and smiles at the camera:  
-These residents are all handmade.Isn't that cool? Looks like they're from a Beatrice Potter book. She's not related to the wizard!  
-I also have some consoles. Many of the virgins my parents and Nandor invite to eat have them and it's not as if it's still useful for them. My parents and Nandor don't really care about that either. Colin Robinson only like them if they piss people off. So we split them between me and Guillermo.  
Show Guillermo opening backpacks and taking out what's inside while trying to classify their contents. Juliet sees the console and takes it. Guillermo try to take it back from her but at that moment, Laszlo appeared with his mouth still soiled with blood hissing, making Guillermo back off.  
-Before I had the same schedule as my parents, but when I had to go to school, we had to change. Now I get up at 7am, get ready to go to school and take the bus. I do my day at school, I go home and go to bed until 7 pm. After that I can spend time with the others before going back to sleep at around 3am. I am mostly nocturnal on weekends.  
-I like school even if it's not always easy. I have to be careful what I say because not everyone would be comfortable with my family. But sometimes I just want people to know because it would be so much easy! Like shup you're pie hole Oliver, the USA was founded by a gay immigrant. I know it, I live with his ex.

-I know that my parents and Nandor have to like eating people... And I can understand why some people wouldn't like it but...They don't really have a choice. They can't eat anything else. Animal blood is like trying to survive just by eating expired or undercooked food. And human food... oh boy. I saw my mum eating an health aperitif cookie because the neighbour wouldn't let her go before she tried it and he had too many witnesses for her to get rid of her. She was so sick, it was like when you put a mentho in a coke bottle. And the neighbour has only herself to blame if no one wants to come and eat at her house now!  
-Guillermo has found a way to explain it well. In fact, I had asked Nandor to explain it to me but he was busy so he asked Guillermo to do it for him. Guillermo, explaine!  
-Juliet, we talked about this: how do you ask politely? ask nicely Guillermo.  
-Oh, I'm sorry.  
Juliet screams in the opposite direction:  
-Nandor, can you ask Guillermo to explain please?  
-Guillermo, explain now!  
Guillermo sighs but does it:  
-Remember when I brought that box of movies back from my abulita's?  
-Yes, Papa calls them...  
Cut to Laszlo.  
-The Sugarcoated history for slow toddlers.  
-And Mama...  
Cut toNadja  
-The monarchist propaganda disguised as bloody children's story!  
-I think they prefer the versions of the old books, finish Juliet.  
Guillermo clearly refraining from saying something before saying:  
-It is an interpretation like any other. Do you remember the Lion King? You liked that one.  
-Yes, I was sad when we lost the tape.  
Show Laszlo burning the tape in the fireplace.  
-Fortunately, Colin Robinson found it on DVD for me.  
-Yes, that was nice from him. Well, it a little like in the movie. The circle of life:Predators eat prey to prevent them from destroying resources. Overpopulation is a real problem! Lions eat other animals but they are not bad. They do not abuse resources or treat other species badly the rest of the time like hyenas. They can even have real friends among the prey. Like you or me.  
-No, we're not the same thing! I'm not a prey, I'm more like a caterpillar. We're just waiting for me to be ready for my big metamorphosis. It would work better if Timons and Pumbas could turn into a lion by mixing their blood...  
-I was talking more about the moral implications, Juliet. I don't think I can find a perfect equivalent.  
-Oh, it's okay, I like it. We are lions! (Try to roar).  
Nandor still off camera:  
-Cute but I don't think you're ready yet, kitten.  
A real roar is heard. Juliet seems amused and laughing. Guillermo impress but not scare.  
-If we are lion, Guillermo is Pumba, concluded Juliet.  
Nandor's burst of laughter and Guillermo looks embarrassed.

-I think that's all. I hope he gets a movie premiere," smiles Juliet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I don't think Disney's movies are bad (I'm actually a big fan myself) but I think Nadja and Laszlo's tastes will lean more towards the versions of the Grimm brothers or Charles Perrault.  
> 2) The jewelry box is what happens when the author listens to a documentary about the Romanovs while watching Christine McConnell's Instagram.  
> 3)If you want to know what the residents in Juliet's dollhouse look like, look for Walter Potter's work. It's kind of cute until you remember how it was done.  
> 4)I know that Juliet doesn't really talk like a child of her age but my experience is that when you grow up surrounded by adults in particular who don't baby talk to you (looked at Laszlo), your language will be more mature even if you are not.  
> 5)Horizontal smiling is an expression my father uses to talk about vulva. I don't know how common it is, but it sounds pretty cute to me and I think it works with Laszlo.  
> 6) Don't hesitate to make requests.


	4. Bullying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our vampires go into protection mode for their favorite humans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter was born because of a Katherine Ryan joke I heard and all I could think was: why does it sound like something Nadja or Laszlo would say?

-Where's Juliet? Colin Robinson, have you lost my child? Nadja asked to the energy vampire.

Colin Robinson stopped reading his magazine to answer:

-No, she's in her room. She's resting.  
-It's 11:00 at night. She should be up now.  
-She's had a bad day, you should let her sleep if that's what she wants.

That must have been the wrong thing to say because Nadja rushed upstairs.

-WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!

Nadja trying to console her crying daughter. One part of his hair was badly cut short while the other is still long.

-Oh, honey, don't worry about it. We're gonna fix this.  
-But you have to cut the rest short and it will take forever to grow back! Juliet cried.  
-Yes, they're going to have to be a short one for a while. But we're going to get you a nice haircut. Would you like something like in my '20s photos?

Juliet shrugged hesitantly but calmer.

-One thing's for sure, that little brat's not gonna get away with it. It's for circumstances like this that spanking was created, Laszlo cried out in a rage.  
-I think you were against physical punishment? asked Colin.  
-For my progeny , not this little sh...excrement!  
-What's going on? Suddenly Nandor asked.  
-Some brat put a lot of gum in her hair and they had to cut off a lot of it. And just the most recent of his attacks. His name Brax, Braley, Brexaley... Nadja explained.   
-Braxley, mama.  
-Let's just call him the fail abortion, proposed Laszlo.  
-What's an abortion? ask Juliet.  
-Yes, Laszlo. What is an abortion? said Colin, smiling.  
-It's when you decide you're not ready to have kids, Nadja said quickly. - It's not a method I encourage, but... have you tried talking to your teacher? You like her, no?  
-Snitches get Stitches.  
-Laszlo!his wife scolded him.  
-If anyone's got the resources, he just went abroad and got away with be a traitors, said Nandor.

Before Nadja could tell them to shut up, a little voice answered:

-Yes, I told her, but she can just intervene when he's in his class. She can't do anything at recess or sports or art or anywhere else, Juliet said sadly.   
-Maybe someone higher up? The Headmaster maybe?Laszlo asked.

Juliet shook her head.

-We tried, but she said if we don't have proof, then it's his word against mine. He said my hair was just an accident.And I have no proof for the rest. I just look like a crybaby now.  
-Oh bloody hell, remind me next time I bite someone and get caught saying it was an accident if it all we need for be let be free, Nadja growled.

Nadja then turned her attention to her daughter.

-Honey, why don't you go look at the style you'd like for your hair while we think of something?  
-Ok, said the girl as she got up and left the room.

-So what do we do about the fail abortion? ask Laszlo.  
-Really, Laszlo? said Nandor.-A seven-year-old kid?  
-I won't touch him, gentleman's promise. But the boogeyman is still around at that age, isn't it?  
-I can straight him right, said Nadja.  
-Why don't you just stay out of it?  
-What?! scream the couple.  
-You want me to let this little brute torture my daughter? ask Nadja angry.  
-She just lost a little hair, come on.  
-I've literally seen you skin a man alive because he tried to cut off your bun, said Laszlo.  
-It's not the same thing, as sovereign of...  
-You're right, it's different. You're a big, strong vampire from over seven centuries ago. She's a little human girl who just turned 7 years old, Nadja retorted angrily.  
-It's counterproductive for me to do this, but Juliet is really miserable, Colin says.   
-Aha! Even the energy vampire has enough decency to want help! What's your excuse? Laszlo asked proudly.  
-You're going to overprotect her until she's an adult? Maybe Mama and Papa will continue to protect her when she's a vampire? said Nandor angry. -I have nothing against your child, I even like her. But at some point she has to learn that sometimes you have to defend yourself alone. 

It seemed to take the wind out of the couple's sails. Nadja wanted to say something but all that came out of her mouth was a shout of frustration before she left the room. Laszlo settled for a look that could have killed before he followed his wife.

-They're mad as hell, you know. Really tasty.   
-It was necessary, said Nandor but with some hesitation. 

-You think he's right? I mean, are we overprotecting her? ask Nadja.   
-Depending on when you or I were born, probably. But I find that not denying her an education, marrying her when we found blood in her bed, having polio or being whipped for crying are experiences she can do without! What the hell do he know about parenting? He made about 40 children and never took care of them, Laszlo spit with despite.   
-Maybe there's just a middle. We could help her, but she'd do the rest on her own, thinking aloud Nadja.  
-Are you suggesting that she kill the failed abortion and that we helped her get rid of the evidence?  
-Darling, maybe we could wait till she's a teenager for that? No, I was thinking more along the lines of what we did in Versailles. If that little bastard has other worries, he'll have less energy to devote to make her life a living hell and we giving our daughter a weapon against him, smiles ferociously Nadja.  
-That's fine with me," Laszlo replied with an expression as terrifying as his campaign. -I can always save my plan for the first miserable that breaks her heart.  
-Deal. I loved doing it with my own father.

-They're exaggerating! They're even convinced Colin Robinson! I'm not cruel, I'm realistic. Isn't that Guillermo?  
-I-I-I'm not sure, master.  
-Is that so? Even you, my faithful familar, are against me? Nandor asked angrily.  
-Well, it's just... it's hard sometimes, you know. You try to ignore it, but the more you're told, the more you believe.Blaming the victim is easy because if you complain, you are too sensitive and if you defend, you get into their games. So you say it doesn't matter, you work hard and they don't do anything in class so we'll see who's laughing in the future. But their father gave them a job where he did nothing for a seven-figure salary, he married a woman too good for them and everyone seems to have forgotten that he was a homophobic racist who had sexual harassment charges after him. They probably don't even remember your name, but you can't forget them, said Guillermo with a little too much emotion in his voice.   
-...It's depressing, thank you very much Guillermo! I wanted you to say I was right and now I feel terrible!   
-I'm sorry, master.  
-Oh, what the hell. Come with me. 

-Colin Robinson...ask Nadja.  
-What do you want?  
-What makes you think we want to...  
-When was the last time you asked for something selflessly?  
-Hey, in the orgy of 1949, I giving you a handjob! say insulted Laszlo.  
-But you're right, recognised Nadja. -Remember when you asked us if we wanted to be with that parents Visage-book?   
-The groupe parents on Facebook?  
-Yes, that. Could you show us the parents who have the misfortune to give birth to the little parasite that's torturing our daughter?  
-You're going to kill them?asked Colin in the same tone he would have used to ask if they liked apple juice.  
-No, for who you think we are? We just want to talk.  
-Sure, just talk. I assume you want names, photos, a phone number or an address? We could also create a Facebook or other social media address if you...  
-I didn't realize I was going to have to pay for this information with my energy," Laszlo scolded.  
-All right," Colin yielded as he typed on his computer. Here they are.

Colin expected a lot but not the horror reaction of the couple.

-I can't. I'm sorry, but it's beyond my strength, said Nadja with disgust.  
-I'm not judging you, believe me. What is that woman's hair? ask Laszlo. -Neither the eighteenth-century wigs nor the punk fashion had prepared me for this...monstrosity  
-The husband is no better; bicycle shorts, she says with a shiver of disgust. -How can something so tight be so unerotic?  
-I wish I knew, my dear.  
-I don't think we have a choice anymore; I'm not very keen on making a child an orphan, but...  
-Not necessary. I'll do it.  
-Laszlo! You don't have to force yourself, my love.  
-It's fine. I don't particularly feel like making love to either of them. But hatefuck them for the sake of my Bantling, I can come over. I mean, what kind of parent wouldn't be willing to militarize their genitals against their child's enemies?  
-You're a wonderful father, said Nadja as she kissed him. -But I also have some good news. You only need to screw one of them. Jenna showed me how to shoot it with a phone and send it, said Nadja with a nasty smile.

-What can I come in? ask Nandor.  
-No!   
-Juliet, this isn't funny. Take down the "no trespassing" sign or I'll send Guillermo to do it.  
-I don't want to see you! You think it's okay that Braxley's bothering me!  
-I never said that!  
-I can see how she might have interpreted it that way, tempted Guillermo.  
-Well, it wasn't! And I have a way to make him stop!

After a little silence, Juliet finally said:

-You can come in.

Juliet was sitting on the floor surrounded by several toys and her eyes were red.

-Ah, you're pretty with the short hair.  
-We had hoped that was from my own choice.

Nandor loves this child, he swears it's true but Nadja's passive-aggressive meeting with Laszlo's posh bitchy accent was definitely something that should never have the right to existed.

-I know you're sad because because that boy's mean to you...   
-He's cruel to me! He laughs at the way I talk! He's alway kicking the ball in my face in P.E. He said that was a shit baby and that the day my parents have their real baby, they're gonna put me back in the shit hole where they found me!   
-Okay, you're right, it's cruel. And Nadja and Laszlo are not gonna put you in a shit hole, even if they happen to make some unholy act to make another child.Trust me, you're Laszlo's favorite.   
-How can I be his favorite if I'm an only child? ask confu Juliet  
-Uh... it doesn't matter. I told you I have a solution to your problem. In order for this kid to leave you alone and send a clear message to anyone who'd want to succeed him, you have to prove your dominance.  
-How? Asked Juliet suddenly listening to him seriously.  
-You must challenge him and defeat him!  
-I can't.  
-Don't worry if he is tall, I'm here to...  
-It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't.The school has a zero-fighting policy.  
-What? Nandor started laughing before noticing Guillermo's look. -You're not serious, are you? It's unnatural!  
-Well, at school they say there's no such thing as vampires and there you are.   
-All right. If you fight, what's the worst that can happen? ask Nandor   
-I'm not sure, probably lines, no recess, maybe suspension.  
-Guillermo?  
-I can check the school code.But that's probably it. I doubt they'd go as far as expelling you for a first offense.  
-That's it? Really, Juliet. What's worse for you, having that plague of child keep rotting your life away or writing a few pages and getting a long furlough? They're not even allowed to hit you on Staten Island.  
-They're not allowed to hit children everywhere anymore, Nandor.  
-In fact, it's among in many states," corrected Guillermo.  
-What?  
-But not in Staten Island, continued Nandor. -So, what do you think?  
-He's taller and wider than me...  
-What's the big deal? I was as small as you when I started being trained in the art of killing!  
\- Art of killed? Says Juliet with interest. -Can we kill him in a pretty way?  
-Master, maybe setting some limits would be a good idea," says Guillermo, worried about where the conversation is going.  
-Good point, Guilermo. Let's start with the basics.

We hear suspicious noises and breathing sounds. On the ceiling Nadja filming with a phone. 

-Did you get my good profile?   
-Laszlo, really?  
-I'm kidding, I know both my profiles are just as good. Do we have what we need?  
-Yes, we just have to wait for the right time.

The next day at school

-Hey Shitbaby!   
-Get lost, failed abortion!  
-What did you call me, Harry Pooper?  
-Wow, Braxley, Harry Pooper? Don't you have anything better? I bet you don't know what an abortion is! mockingly chanted Juliet. -But that's normal, your brains aren't bigger than your winkle!

Braxley seemed upset by his target's lack of response. And the second unfamiliar word Juliet used was easier to figure out.

-It's probably better than a shit baby. But you're not just a shit baby, you're about to be a death baby too!

The phone rang and Nadja came out of her coffin half asleep.

-Colin Robinson, do you have any idea what time it is? I hope it...What she do? Fine, ok bye!  
-What's going on? Laszlo asked as he came out of his coffin just as sleepy.  
-Something happened at the school and they asked Colin Robinson to come in urgently.  
-The little bastard, if it wasn't daylight... scolded Laszlo.  
-We've got silverlighting, they'll probably call his parents too, said Najda with a sadistic smile.  
-Oh, said Laszlo with a smile as ferocious as that of his wife appearing on his face. -When?  
-Giving them half an hour.

Braxley cried loudly and held a packet of tissues to his face. Juliet was sitting on the other side, her cheek swollen and her hand bandaged but calm.

-I'd like to find out what happened..." began the director.  
-What's going on is that little wild bitch attacked my son! Braxley's mother screamed. -Look at the state he's in: a broken nose, three missing teeth and she threw him in the trash!  
-In the trash? ask Colin to Juliet.  
-No, I put it in the recycling bin.   
-Because he's recoverable?  
-It's not too late for redemption or even compost, said Juliet.  
-Good point.   
-You think that's funny? Braxley's father asked an angrily.  
-Satisfying, I'd say. Given all the incidents between Juliet and your son. Isn't that Mrs. Davidtz?  
-Uh... well, it's true I've had many complaints about your son from both Juliet and other students... started the teacher uncomfortable.  
-So acting like a boy his age is a reason to let that crazy kid attack him? scream the father.  
-I've never...  
-He hit me first, Juliet said. -A lady never starts a battle, but she must know how to finish it...  
-Don't lie, disrespectful little brat!" shouted the mother. -My son is a model student, he'd never do anything like that!

Juliet remained disturdly calm as Colin put an arm around her shoulder.

-In fact, I took it upon myself to note each incident and contact Ms. Davidtz about them. I think it's getting a bit much for just one case of boys will be boys," Colin also perfectly calmly. -Especially since if you want to use that kind of archaic idea, we can also use the argument that Juliet is a girl.And a lot smaller than him.  
-How dare you imply that my son's a pu..  
-I didn't say anything like that, you're the one who was going to use that word. But I can understand if Juliet had to face consequences for her actions as well, but it takes two people to dance the tango.  
-Maybe if you'd raised your daughter properly...  
-Mr. Robinson is Juliet's godfather, her parents have a complicated work schedule and can't really come at any other time other than in the evening, said Mrs. Davidtz.   
-Oh that's so typical of them! Leaving their kid unsupervised while they do God knows what? scream the mother.  
-Them? Could you elaborate? Colin asked, appreciating the anger of the parents as well as the embarrassment of the teacher and principal.  
-Well, I think it's clear she's not from around here. Or we don't have the same standards of education.  
-She was adopted as a baby. But you're right, her parents are immigrants. Came here when they were 16 and 20, respectively. The mother is of Roma origin and the father is british.  
-Roma are the people who do their weddings over the top on television, right? ask the father with a juging tone.   
-Oh that's worse! She's from the system, no wonder she's violent psychopath!And the English are oppressors who tried to steal our resources and keep us inslaves!" the mother continued.   
-Are you Native American? ask curious Colin.   
-Does it look like I am? And what does that have to do with anything?

Juliet sighed as she saw her teacher turn embarrassingly red and Colin Robinson's eyes blue. Were they just here to feed Colin Robinson or what?  
Braxley's mother's phone then started beeping, indicating that a message was coming in. She took it out of her purse and started to open it.

-Mrs. Alexander, I'd appreciate it if you didn't ... start the director.  
-Why? Maybe it's urgent and everything you're doing is abusing my son to benefit...she said as she weighed on the video to see its contents. 

Suspicious sounds were then heard from the phone. Colin blocked Juliet's ears but was unable to hide his smile.He turned to the professor and whispered to her:  
-If I were you, I'd get the kids out.

Mrs. Davidtz obeyed, taking Juliet and Braxley out of the room. Colin for his part prepared for the pièce de résistance. Braxley's mother slowly turned her empty gaze to her husband.

-You...You bastard, asshole!I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!! shouted a she threw herself at her husband.  
-Lady, come on, calm down! You're in a school...attempted to interfere with the director.  
-SHUT UP, BITCH! shouted Mrs. Alexander as she grabbed the stapler and threw it in her face.

And hit the target.

-Good evening, mama and papa!said Juliet rushing into Nadja's arms.  
-Hey, someone's in a much better mood. I guess it went well? Nadja asked.  
-I'm full," replied Colin. -The last time I ate as well as I did, I think...  
-I appreciate the fact that you're going to leave us alone tonight and our dinner, Colin Robinson. But my lovely wife was talking about our bantling, Laszlo said coldly.  
-She can go back to school from Tuesday, the teacher was kind enough to give me the homework and assures me that she won't miss anything too important. Also, she has to write a text explaining why violence is not the solution to a problem, explain Colin.

Nadja rolled her eyes and Laszlo said:

-Go explain that to any king or lord who ever lives for my pleasure, please.  
-What about him? What's going to happen to this little brat? I don't think I can see the bruise on my little armadillo's face. And that! said Nadja when she saw the bandage on the girl's hand.  
-It's okay, mama. It doesn't hurt too bad and my hand is my fault. I opened my hand on his teeth.  
-You did what? ask Laszlo. -I need some details.  
-I broke his nose, he lost three teeth, but they're baby teeth, so it's no big deal. I also put it in the recycle bin but everyone is wrong and says I put it in the trash.  
-Oh, my little destroyer! I'm so proud! said Nadja.  
-Well, that's impressive! Maybe we should sign you up for boxing. But the failed abortion, apart from the beating pants off, what happens to him? ask Laszlo 

-He's expelled from school, said Colin.  
-His mother hit the principal in the face with a stapler, Juliet smiles. -Do you think I could use her as an example in my writing, Colin Robinson?   
-I think it's a great idea, smiled the energy vampire.  
-And why did she do that? asked Nandor who joined the others with Guillermo.   
-I don't know, I think she saw something on her phone that made her angry, Juliet continued.  
-One wonders what... says Colin with a smirk on his face as he looks at the couple.  
-Effectively, says Nandor also looking the couple.  
-But come to think of it, don't mortals have this lovely tradition of giving money in exchange for teeth? asked Laszlo suddenly.  
-I think it's supposed to be my baby teeth, not the one of other people's, said Juliet.  
-No! We're still burning your baby teeth. There's no way a witch would use your teeth to do a fertility spell, said Nadja.   
-I don't care what happens to that little bastard, Laszlo said coldly.   
-I only managed to smuggle one... -said sadly, Juliet by pulling a bloodstained tooth out of his pocket.  
-Did you pick that up? Why? Guillermo asked horrified.  
-It's the only one that stuck in my hand," Juliet explained as if it was obvious.  
-That's more than enough," Laszlo replied. -I'll trade you for this, says he puts some money in her hand.  
-Yay!!!! Come on, Guillermo! We're having pizza tonight!!!!

When Guillermo left with the little girl, Nadja turned to her husband.

-You're gonna burn this, aren't you?  
-Can we just toss it in the trash and call it a night? Or the recycling bin? smile Laszlo.  
-You see you're worrying for nothing, she's done it on her own, Nandor told the couple.  
-That's right, you're right. My seven-year-old daughter with no combat experience managed to fight a boy much bigger than her and seriously injured him...you wonder how it happened?" Nadja mocked.  
-She found the motivation to fight on her own.  
-Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you're a big softy, said Nadja across the ether.  
-I don't know what you're talking about! And I'm know what you and Laszlo did! Have you no shame? The last time you did that you caused the Terror! Nandor's attempt to defend himself.

In the kitchen, Juliet is getting impatient.

-Guillermo! What are you doing? I'm hungry!!!  
-Just a minute! I had to carry the delivery boy to the storeroom.Where's the roulette wheel?

He finally found it and opened the box.

-Oh, hawaiian, said Guillermo.  
-Well, yes, it was my choice," says Juliet.  
-You know I don't eat pineapples?  
-Just take them off.  
-I'm allergic to them.  
-People can be allergic to pineapple? That's weird.  
-It doesn't matter," sighed Guillermo tire. -I'll order something else.

By the time I got back, Juliet was gone. He found her in the living room where she had turned on the TV and was eating her pizza.

-What did we say about eating out of the kitchen?   
-But everyone eats where they want! And mama, papa and Nandor are super messy when they eat!  
-Well, if the others...  
-If you say will you'll jump off the bridge if other do it, i'm definitely jumping if I'm a vampire!  
-How about saving me more housework?  
-...Ok.

But as they left the room, something stopped Guillermo in his tracks.

-We interrupt this program for a special message. The police finally identified the body found on the highway. It was the body of local businessman Michal Deby. 

On hearing the name, Guillermo looked up intrigued and took the remote control to turn up the sound.

-Do you know him? Juliet asked.  
-I went to school with him.  
-Were you two friends?  
-Let's just say he was my Braxley.  
-In that case, congratulations on the good news! smile Juliet. 

-The autority think it was a sex game that went wrong because of the way he was dressed and the object found on his...

-And that's enough! You know what? Let's go pick out a movie and you can watch it on the computer in the kitchen.  
-Yay!!!

While Juliet ate her pizza while watching the movie, Guillermo searched his phone for information. Eventually, he found what he wanted:

A local businessman found in a cheerleader outfit with a bicycle pump in...Oh dear. It appears that the activity is causing his intestines to burst, resulting in his death. 

It's just a coincidence. It's not possible, there's another explanation. But what if...

24 hours ago.

Guillermo with an empty gaze under the effect of hypnosis.

-Guillermo, give me his name. You don't get emotional with so many details when you don't think about someone in particular," says Nandor.   
-Mich-Michael Deby, he tortured me all through high school.  
-Good! Now, you're gonna forget this conversation and get back to work.  
-Yes, master.  
-Oh, before you forget. I'm only doing this because you'll be a more effective familiar and for no other reason.   
-Yes, master.  
-Good, later Guillermo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that overkill? Absolutely  
> Is it in characters? Also Absolutely  
> Also for the interested parties, my mind isn't as twisted as that. My father shared a hospital room with someone who happened to (the bicycle pump). These friends thought it would be a good joke for his bachelor party. He died the day before his wedding from his injuries. Must have been an interesting discussion with the bride.


	5. Week-end with Jenna part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So a little quality time with Jenna and Juliet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 is lighter one full of fluff and funny moments. Also I debated a lot whether I was going to go on the romantic or family side with Jenna and Nadja. I chose romantic because it's good to show non-traditional families + not all step-parents are monsters. Also, I'm not a fan of LARPing but I'm a weeb so I'm laughing at myself (and show my age with the titles I use).

-Are you sure you don't want to come, insisted Nadja. -It's okay if you just want to watch.  
-Or played music. Chris just played the guitar and took a special request for his first century of orgies. I thought it was nice," said Laszlo.  
-I'm sure, thank you. Maybe some other time, said Jenna.  
-Mama, Papa!

In an expert gesture, Nadja quickly gathered her papers in a file that she closed as soon as she could before the child joins them.

-Yes, darling?  
-I can't go to Max's this weekend.  
-Let's talk about that already. You can't...Laszlo began.  
-I know, top-secret vampire meeting. But it's not that I don't want to go, I can't. His grandmother died and they're gonna have to take care of the funeral.  
-She couldn't have waited until next week? Nadja grunted.  
-Don't you want to go? It might be fun. Free food, the whole family will remember the good times and hopefully you might even get some drama. Like an inheritance fight or a secret lover barging in, Laszlo tempted.  
-It sounds fun, but I think they'll want me even less then," says Juliet.  
-All right, let's not panic. Colin Robinson made a list of your friends, see who may called, said Nadja more herself that everybody else. 

Nadja took out a sheet of paper and started to read:

-Nikki?  
-She's at her father's house.  
-Neil?  
-He's at his mother's.  
-Other Neil?  
-Also at his mother's house.  
-But it's all right then, she lives around here," smiles Laszlo.  
-He has two moms, who are divorced and remarried to two other ladies.  
-Ah, good for them, said Nadja.  
-He's gonna be good with women, later that kid, said Laszlo.   
-Gail?  
-She's at her grandmother's house because her dad put a camera in her big sister room.  
-Ok, bad choice but remind me to go visit this man latter. P.A. and C.W?  
-Maybe...I like them, but I don't know about going to their house,their parents are weird.  
-I'm sure you'll be fine. What's P.A. and C.W. stan for? ask Laszlo.  
-Prayer-Anne and Chris-Will.  
-I thought puritans were extinct? ask Nadja to her husband.  
-Some of them must have hidden somewhere. Fine, you're not going there!  
-Well, there's one more... Shall I pronounce it like Cara?  
-It's Sarah, mama.  
-With a C and no H in the end?  
-No, said coldly Laszlo.  
-Laszlo...  
-No, education is mandatory now. There's no excuse for misspelling Sarah. If you can't write such a simple name, you can't be trusted to look after my daughter!   
-We'll find something, sighed Nadja.  
-Okay, Jenna, you want to come play with me?  
-Off course.

-You'd think it would be weird to date a vampire, someone in a polyamorous relationship or who has a child," says Jenna. -It's different, of course, but it's kind of nice, actually, explain Jenna. 

Shows some images of Jenna and Nadja kissing with blood on them next to a dead body.   
Afterwards, a picture of Laszlo kissed Nadja as she left holding Jenna's hand.   
Finally, images of Jenna while Nadja and Laszlo explain to her how to use her vampire powers. Juliet appears.

-Juliet, come on, honey. I want you to meet Jenna, she's a new vampire I created.  
-Are you my sister? asks Juliet to Jenna.  
-I dared to hope we weren't like the Bean Clan!Laszlo mocked.  
-Are you going to be my other mum then? ask Juliet.

Jenna looks surprised but seeing Nadja's embarrassed look and Laszlo's angry look, she tries another approach:

-Why don't we be friends first?   
-Off cours!

Then Juliet goes over to Jenna and gives her a hug. 

-Welcome Jenna!

-So, do you know what's going on this weekend? Jenna asked.  
-Vampire meeting, happens twice a year. It's kind of a bonding party. They have to do a lot of thing like dancing, play game, torturing people, you know adulte stuff because they always look happy when they come back but also tired. My dad sleeps for two nights straight after every meeting.

Jenna had to respect that Nadja and Laszlo had gone in the direction of sweetening the truth rather than lying. 

-You, why don't you want to go?  
-Me, uh... who to explain? I have social anxiety, too many new people will make me freak out. 

That also sweetening the true, not lying. 

-Oh, that's a shame.You could have made new friends.  
-It's okay. You're all enough for me. Then I had to finish school and...Jenna started before she realized something. 

-Could we ask Shaun and his wife to take care of her? ask Nadja.  
-No! said Laszlo.  
-Why not? He's not a bad man, he drops off our recycling when we forget and let us use his flix code.   
-I don't want her in a drunk's house. And what if his wife decides this weekend is the weekend she kills him?  
-Of course, it's not like she's seen us kill people since she's lived with us? Najda says coldly.  
-Well, that's not the same . Nobody's traumatized by seeing a farm animal die for feed the family. A crime de passion, is much worse.   
-So what did we do? Make her camp in the garden, maybe? ask Nadja sarcastically.  
-Of course not. There will surely be people engaging in acts of debauchery in my vulva garden...and it's cold, wet and definitely not a good place to put a child," Laszlo quickly added when he saw the anger in his wife eyes.  
-Nadja, Laszlo, I have a proposition for you two, Jenna said as she joined them.  
-That's nice of you, but I'm staying chaste until the orgy," Laszlo said.  
-Not that kind of proposal, explain Jenna. -Do you want Juliet to spend the weekend with me?

Nadja responded by passionately kissing Jenna.

-You're saving our undead lives!  
-Are you sure about this? ask Laszlo. -It's not against you, it's just it's not going to be difficult with the college?  
-Oh, no. Of course, we're not normally allowed guests on campus, but the entire residence has more or less a policy of don't ask, don't tell. Lots of people bring their dates, friends who between two apartments and the Mormon girl managed to get her 8 brothers and sisters home for the night once.  
-This Mormon girl, is she...  
-Not since St. Patrick's Day, I'm sorry.  
-It was worth a shot.  
-Are you sure you don't mind? insisted Nadja.  
-No, I have enough to feed her, my roommate will be there if I have an emergency, she can sleep in my bed since I don't use it anymore and I'll pretend I'm sleeping on the couch.I've got my Babysitter's Certificate, conclut Jenna.  
-Is that like a degree in nanny training? ask Laszlo.  
-It's not identical, but it confirms that I can take care of a child for a long time and that I know first aid.  
-I'd trust you even without this, but that's a good bonus, smile Nadja.   
-And Juliet's comfortable with that? Laszlo asked.  
-I asked her first, she's packing her bags.

The couple looked at each other before Nadja answered:

-Well, that perfect!

-Tell me again why we have a child in our room? ask Shanice  
-She's my girlfriend's daughter. She and her husband had something important and I offered to watch their daughter for the weekend. We're getting along great, we'll be fine. Wait, Juliet, you want to come meet my roommate?

The little girl got up and walked towards Shanice before bowing.

-Hi, my name is Juliet Cravensworth. It's very nice to meet you.  
-...Hi, I'm Shanice, said this one uncomfortable.  
-That's a pretty name. What are you studying for?  
-Art History.  
-Oh, that's cool. What's your favorite art period? I liked Dutch painting when they started experimenting with the camera obscura.  
-...Cubism. I'll leave you two alone.I... have errands to run.

Once the roommate was out, Juliet turned to Jenna.

-Is she all right?  
-I think finding me dead may have scarred her more than I thought.  
-Poor little thing. Well, can you show me where I can put my luggage?

-You'll sleep here, the sheets are freshly washed, don't worry.  
-I'm not worried. Where's your coffin?  
-I don't have any.  
-But how do you sleep then?

Jenna opened the closet that had been cleared out.

-It's not so bad, I sleep like a bat and I can crawl in and out of bed without Shanice noticing anything.I even started decorating the interior.  
-Woaahh!!!

While Juliet was admiring the inside of the closet, Jenna's cell phone rang.

-Hello. Oh, Jonathan! Oh, I don't know. No, no, it's not that I'm not having fun there, it's just... I'm a little busy. Yeah, I know I missed a lot of games and I'm sorry about that. Jonathan! I've got a 7 year old with me, I can't leave her alone! What? I can't, Kyle's gonna be mad as hell. He doesn't like me already.  
-Where do you want to go? ask Juliet.  
-Oh nothing. I just have a friend who's trying to get me to go play LARP with him...  
-You can go if you want.  
-One minute, Jonathan, Jenna said as she put her phone on hold. -But no, it's not fair...  
-Jenna, you need to eat. It's okay, I grew up with four vampires. Let's get you something to eat. If you're uncomfortable with my presence, I'll go read a magazine with headphones on when you eat. I don't mind, but I know some of my parents' friends feel uncomfortable. I think they're afraid of traumatizing me or something.  
-These are my friends! Well, some of them are. And every time I see them...  
-Look a plate of cupcakes? They're mostly virgins, right? Then that's normal.  
-I love LARP, I don't want to eat my playmates! Jenna said with horror.  
-Then eat. Eat other random peoples, until you don't even have room for dessert, Juliet replied with a moment's reflection. -This that or they take a bath in garlic juice.

Jenna put her head in her hands, before resuming the phone conversation.

-Jonathan, I'm going to have to stop for dinner and I have to bring her with me. That okay?

Jenna showed up at the club in costume with Juliet on her heels.

-Hey, everybody. Sorry I'm late, but...  
-But what? Do you realize how unprofessional you are? How you betray your obligation to the club?" shouted one young man.  
-I'm sorry Kyle...  
-I don't care about your apology and you're going to address me by my real name!  
-...I'm sorry, Sir Kylonius, said embarrassed Jenna.  
-Now what with the Grelim following you?  
-Enchanté, I am Lady Juliet Henrietta Cravensworth, said child with a threatening tone. -Are your parents blue-blooded too?  
-What?  
-If Jenna's going to call you sir, it means you have to have a title of nobility. So were you born noble or did you do some awesome thing you make you a knight? Juliet continued.  
-I'm the leader of this group! scream Kyle.  
-In your game, it's not real. If we go by your logic, you have to call me Dr. Cravensworth because I'm a veterinarian specializing in cryptic creatures. But my father really is a nobleman, related to the queen and his family has a castle in central England, the child continued ruthlessly.  
-This is America, it's worthless here!  
\- Say that to Meghan Markle.  
-Damm Kyle, the five-year-olds is kicking your ass, laughed one of the players.  
-I'm seven, but thank you, Miss...?  
-Cheyenne in real life, Samariel in LARP.  
-I'll keep that in mind.  
-The grelim's not kicking my ass! And it's not a babysitter-club! Jennelf, you're getting rid of her!  
-I'm the one who told him to bring her, Jonathan defended her. -We had a lot of members who stopped coming and I thought I'd put her in front of the TV in the anime club. I've got the keys, and it's right next door if there's a problem.  
-Is that alright with you, Jenna? ask Juliet.   
-Well... yeah, as long as it's in you're age group, Jenna says embarrassed.  
-Thank you. Show me what an anime is, please Jonathan.   
-These are Japanese cartoons...  
-Don't call them that! You can't simplify the art of Japanese animation like that!" shouted one of the players.

Jenna feared the worst.

-So, watching you has a lot of cool stuff: Sakura card captor, Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball, pokémon, digimon, zombie saga, mermaid melody, list Joanthan.  
-This one looks interesting, says Juliet. -The illustration is based on a painting by Klimt and the title is based on a ballad I know.

Jonathan quickly took the dvd away from her.

-Oh you're definitely not going to watch this, it's very scary.  
-How scary? Like Psycho or just full of blood like Saw?  
-You've never seen Saw, come on.  
-Only the first two and half of the third, it became repetitive fast and really sanctimonious. It just Home Alone with realistic injuries.

Jonathan had a nervous laugh before he said:  
-Okay, you almost got me. You heard someone say that, right?  
-Let me see the first 15 minutes and then we'll stop after if it's too scary. It's not like I'm gonna be your problem afterwards. 

It wasn't as bad as usual, but Jenna still had to fight the urge to shove her fangs down the throats of several club members. And let's be honest, some members weren't helping their causes. She suddenly noticed that Mark and Faith were heading for her when they usually hardly noticed her.

-Hey Jenna, is it true what Shanice says? ask Mark  
-What's true?  
-That you're in a polyamorous relationship with a European goth woman and her boyfriend? ask Faith.

Jenna gives a betrayed look to Shanice as she makes her best sorry bro gesture.

-I... I... I'm just dating my girlfriend, her and her husband have an open marriage.  
-So the husband's just watching? ask Mark.  
-No!He and I are just friends, he's got his own stuff going on somewhere else.  
-Sorry, it's just as long as he let her date girls he might as well ...   
-It's not like that. They... they're like all gender, zero jealousy. As far as I know, the only thing he doesn't like is having someone make his wife sad.  
-But there's no such thing as bisexual guys. They're either gay or in prison, Mark said confused.  
-You're a fucking idiot, Mark! Say Faith. -I think it's really great that you're in such a cool relationship.  
-Thank Faith, smile Jenna.  
-I mean, who would've thought you'd end up in a multi-ethnic, lgbt polyamorous relationship?  
-Um...sorry?  
-I mean, if you can get there, you can probably help me find mine, right?I'd really like to experiment, and the kid said they're related to royalty? Perhaps he could help me find a distant cousin of Harry's and a Sugardady?  
-I can ask...said Jenna just wanted to end the conversation.  
-Thank you Jenna, smile Faith.  
-And if one day you and you're Italien girlfriend are looking for a...  
-She's Roma and no, thank you, said more coldly Jenna.  
-I'm just trying to help," Mark defended himself.

-Jonathan, what are you doing? We need our paladin...said Shanice entering in the anime club.

From the comfort of her seat, Juliet looks at the screen with obvious pleasure. Jonathan, on the other hand, observed the child in shock.

-Hi Shanice, we're watching Elfen Lied, you know it?  
-By reputation.  
-I'm on my way, I think I can leave her alone. You promise to stay away from the hentai and not mess anything it up?  
-Upon my honor, smile Juliet. -Have fun Jonathan.  
-Thank Juliet.

When Shanice left the room with Jonathan, she took the opportunity to ask him a question:

-This kid's weird, right?  
-All kids are weird.  
-She doesn't talk like a normal child.  
-It's the accent, everyone sounds like a evil-in-laws because 90% of villain roles are played by British people.  
-Have you ever heard a lot of kids talk about art history ? Who can name artist and movements knowing what they're talking about?  
-Ok, I'm Asian and my mother really wanted me to play clarinet, I could name you all the great composers at the same age that her. If a parent really wants to take his passion out on his child, he can end up like this.  
-She's watching an anime about a mutant sociopath who kills people with her psychic powers and she LIKE IT!  
-Ok, 1) you're simplifying the story, 2) I was surprised on the spot but I played online a Call of dutty with kids of the same age who said they ware going to do unspeakable things to my mother. I mean, I remember laughing in Jurasick Park when the guy gets eaten in the toilet. And I think she has an uncle who's a former soldier who tells her about his service. She's just tough or she doesn't get it because it's not realistic violence. My point: kids are messed up. Why do you think creepy kids are in half the horror movies?

Rather than reassuring Shanice, this comment created a terrifying new connection in her mind.

-So to wait for the Black King's fortress, we have to get past the occultists who are hiding in the forest. Who's got detection spells? ask Cheyenne.  
-I have some! Said Jenna enthusiastically.  
-Okay, Jenaelf does the honors.  
-No, Jenaelf doesn't have enough experience for that, said Kyle.

He walked past Jenna and she felt her full stomach twist. Fuck, the smell! Kyle smells like a bowl of cookie dough ice cream! It would be so easy to jump on him and bite his neck. No, Jenna, you're better than that! Think of all the people you'll traumatize if you act!

-Kylonius...  
-It's Sir Kylonius!  
-Sire Kylonius. I've gained a lot of experience points lately. I think I can...  
-No. As your leader, I forbid it!

Jenna would like to yell at him: Dude, I'm really trying not to drain you like a juice box right now, try to appreciate the effort by being less of a douche bag.

-Okay, why?  
-I didn't explain to you," Kyle continued, unaware of how much he's playing with his life.  
-Jonathan called me tonight because you were running out of players. I had some commitments and I changed them, maybe it would be nice to feel like you need me...  
-Wow, your contacts are really cool, Jenna, interrupted them Ben.  
-My what? ask surpris Jenna.  
-Your contact lenses. I hadn't noticed but they're really cool! I admit I always thought you were playing a white elf, but it's cool if you're a drow, especially if you make an effort like that.

Oh, no, think about Jenna realizing that she showed more than she bargained for.  
-Thank, Ben. It's, uh...It's ok, Kylonius. Let's do as you say.  
-Finally, you decide to act reasonably...  
-We can vote," Ben suggested.  
-Those who think Jenael should try the detection spell, raise their hands, says Cheyenne. 

It's just half plus one, but it's still the majority!

-Ajugate, Jenaelf can use his spell.

Kyle looks like he's about to throw a fit, but Jenna doesn't care.

-Juliet? We're done, you ready to go? ask Jenna.  
-All right," replied Juliet, stopping the dvd. -Do you think I could borrow another dvd please?  
-I'll ask Jonathan, promise Jenna.  
-Did you win? ask the little girl.  
-We're all playing on the same team but I gained experience points.  
-Cool.

Jonathan agreed to take Jenna, Shanice and Juliet back to the residence. To his credit, Jonathan made conversation with the girl, promising to bring her dvds and asking her questions about what she liked. Shanice didn't say anything, stuck against the door, who with Jenna, still angry that she was talking about her relationship without her consent. She took the opportunity to check her phone for messages. Nothing...I mean, if messages from two people she didn't really want to talk to right now. She blocked the first one, but she knew the second one would have to be answered at some point.

After thanking Jonathan, everyone went up to the room to get ready for the night.

-Where's the bathroom? I'd like to wash up please, Juliet asked.  
-There are showers, me and Shanice will go with you to stand guard...  
-Why do I have to come? Shanice asked in horror.  
-Because we're not gonna let a little girl shower alone in the middle of the night.

Shanice whined in frustration but obeyed having no argument for refusing.  
Once there, Juliet took her things and entered the cabin, leaving the two girls at the door.

-I won't be long, I promise.  
-Take you're time, it fine, said Jenna.  
-Yeah, take your time, Shanice also insisted.  
-Thank, you're really nice.

Once, the sound of the shower was heard, Shanice whispered quickly:

-What's wrong with that girl?  
-What?  
-That girl! Is she on medication or something? Did her biological family die under strange circumstances? Have you considered the possibility that she's an adult dwarf?  
-Shanice, did you buy pills from Emma to help you study again?  
-Don't make fun of me! You can't have not noticed. That girl is not normal. She's too quiet, not shy quiet or I'll get a slap if I make too much noise. She's calm, I'm in control of the situation.   
-Yeah, she gets that from her mother. Speaking of which, I wish you wouldn't talk about my personal life with others!  
-I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think it was that big deal. I didn't even think it would help you get noticed. Can we get back to the kid who sounds like a rich widow of 50 whose husband died mysteriously? Who knows what camera obscura is at an age when most kids don't even know how to write turquoise? And appreciated the animes where a girl uses the body of a person she has just decapitated as a human shield?   
-My girlfriend is not an accessory to look cool!" Jenna got angry as she tried to keep her tone and eyes under control. -And all the attention I got was Faith wanting me to give her advises to look edgy and not like the other girls while Mark was proposing threesomes for me and my girlfriend and you know he gonna retrying his proposal every chance he gets!  
-Yeurk.  
-Indeed. And let me make sure I understand; you're afraid of Juliet because she's calm without being scare, she's smart and likes violent stuff? Okay, for what it's worth, her parents' house is full of artwork, many of are original. She grew up with it. And there's lots of younger kids playing a Call of duty...  
-Why is everyone giving this example?  
-Because while without being the norm, it's not uncommon either, try to justify Jenna... Because to say that the girl had seen people be killed whole life to the point of being jadded by violence wouldn't pass. It was the only time Jenna would admit that Juliet was vaguely creepy.   
-And she's not an adult dwarf. They adopted her when she was about a year and a half old. If you want pictures, I'll bring them to you.  
-Okay, maybe not secretly a dwarf, but something is definitely weird. Don't be surprised if you hear her name in 15 years on the TV news. 

The shower stopped and so did the girls' conversation.

-I'm done!

The rest of the evening went pretty well with Jenna and Shanice studying while Juliet was played alone. Jenna's trying to focus by ignoring her alerts on the computer. To the point where she's trying to find anything else to do. How many accounts he's gonna create before he figures it out.

-Okay, I can't take it anymore! said Shanice.  
-What?  
-Poc Wednesday Addams is singing I don't know what creepy ballad on the side. And she put on her pyjamas, a white nightie! I'm not staying to see if she'll talk to an imaginary friend who'll make the walls bleed. I'm going to Cheyenne's until you put her to bed. Shouldn't she be there by now?  
-She can stay up late on weekends. Also, you remember she sleeps in my bed.  
-WHY?  
-Because she's my guest and she's a little kid?  
-Fine, later Jenna.

What a night, at least things will be quieter now.  
No.

That's when Jenna heard Juliet's voice go up a notch. But what makes her react is that someone's responding to her.  
Thanks to super speed, Jenna's almost immediately in the other room where she found Juliet arguing with someone using the webcam to communicate with her.

-Fuck you, you disgusting slug!  
-Shut up, you little bitch!

Jenna recognized the voice. Her ex-boyfriend. Something cold and violent that she remembers feeling the night of her first murder spurted out of her.

-GREG, WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING HERE?  
-Jenna...? Greg asked troubled.  
-He was sending messages saying he was going to kill himself! I'm told that if he signed his organ donor card, he could go ahead and leave you alone! scream Juliet. - He said he was gonna put pictures of you on the internet if you didn't answer. I answered and he had his sword out.  
-Sword? ask Jenna.  
-His knob? His prick? His sausage, but like a cocktail? Juliet enumerated, looking for the words she had heard.   
-DID YOU SHOW HER YOUR PENIS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT?   
-I thought it was you! tried to defend himself, Gregg. 

Jenna was so angry, she felt like her voice echoed around them. And Gregg looked surprisingly uncomfortable. He finally managed to give her some pleasure. 

-You just exposed yourself to a kid. You're in big trouble...  
-It was an accident! And I still have the pictures. Wouldn't you want them on the internet? Once it's on the web, it's for forever.  
-Forever...

Just like her.  
The fool thought he'd won, if Jenna relies on his stupid smile.

-I don't care.  
-What?  
-I DON'T FUCKING CARE. In the long run, it can't hurt me. I'm strong now, I have someone who really loves me and wants me to be happy. In fact, I can destroy you if I want to!  
-You-you're not gonna call the police, are you?  
-You wish. I'll be here one day...maybe next week, maybe in ten years, we'll see when I have the time AND the inclination to take care of you. 

The lights behind Gregg are starting to flash and the connection's of the computer gone bad.

-Jenna...Your eyes, your... your teeth..., Gregg now began terrified. -My...MY COMPUTER!  
-See you, Gregg.

The last image before the computer cut the connection was that of Gregg terrified and crying in horror.

-Oh, oh, my God, what did I...?  
-I think you were drunk on the dark side, Juliet laughs.  
-I'm so sorry...  
-Why? It was pretty cool. And you seem like a fun drunk. Nandor set fire to Topkapi's palace and watched it burn while bathing in blood. It's a little more intense. I know the guy who owned it was a nasty dog, but it wasn't too great for the people around the palace.   
-I guess it's not as bad...  
-And did you hear that? You yelled at him from the Ether!  
-The what?  
-The Ether, I'm not sure how to explain it. It's like... the thing that binds us all together? Some kind of other state? I know you can use it to hypnotize people from a distance and communicate from afar. But it's very hard to use because the effects can be unstable. Nandor wanted to hypnotize a guy and he made him crazy.  
-Oh, no, poor guy. But the computer...  
-I'm getting there. Colin Robinson can use it to suck energy out of people through the internet. Maybe you overheated the computer and the photos are destroyed?  
-Even if I don't, I don't care. Juliet, the photos...  
-He didn't show me anything. And I don't need to know. He did something embarrassing to you and he was going to use it against you. What a basic Bitch! Do you know when you're gonna kill him?  
-I don't know. Probably after finals. Do you think your dad would mind if I ask Nadja to come with me?  
-Nan. Sometimes they traveled separately. My father had already gone to the Amazon for several months when it was still an unexplored territory. He brought my mother back a beautiful shrunken head!  
-That...sweet!  
-He's good at finding gifts. Are you going to have to take care of the other one, too?  
-The other? You talking about Kyle?  
-No, but it's a good idea. The guy's a virgin and a pretentious idiot, how is he still alive? I'm talking about the other address not read on your messages. Don't get mad, I didn't open anything otherthat Greg's messages bacause that he's insisting so much, I just noticed.  
-Oh, no, it's... It's just my mom. She wanted to know if I come over for the holidays.  
-And you're not answering because...?  
-I think my parents will wonder why I'm hiding from the sun.  
-Oh, that's right. It's hard to explain that.  
-You know how the others did it? How did they explain becoming vampires to their loved ones? Jenna tried.  
-Heu...Energy vampires can make babies, so Colin Robinson got the surprise new. My father never had a good relationship with his family except for my grandmother and aunt not to mention that people thought he had succumbed to the disease so the cut was clean. Nandor's wives left him...  
-In the thirteenth century?  
-The kingdom of Nandor was surprisingly cool for its time: a woman could leave her husband, keeping her children and her dowry if the husband was caught trying to make an animal his mistress or if he turned into a man-killing monster.  
-That's... cool, I guess.  
-Not for him. And my mom... her family got scared and wouldn't let her explain. They chased her away and she ran for her life.  
-Poor Nadja. It must have been so awful.  
-She told me she doesn't blame them. They don't know any better. Maybe... you should start by announcing something else for prep? Like my mom? You don't have to talk about me or my dad at the beginning! One step at a time...

Jenna laughed and shook her head.

-No, I don't know what they'd take better. Being a vampire or with Nadja.

Juliet looked at her for a moment, looking shocked, before climbing onto her lap and putting her arms around her neck.

-We're here, no matter what. My mother, me, my father, Nandor, Colin Robinson and Guillermo. You're stuck with us now forever.   
-Don't make it sound like it's a curse," said Jenna trying to focus on the fact that she was a scary vampire now, not a crybaby.  
-I don't. My mum wouldn't have changed you if she didn't care about you. My dad likes you, too. He just needs to know that his boundaries are respected. He'd rather have you in your room than sleep in theirs.My mum can go alternate every other day. Or you can sleep in my room, I'll push furniture around and make a sign with your name on it. That'd be cool because the J could do your name and mine. If Nandor could run a nation, he can run one more person. Colin Robinson is always up for more people. And you can help Guillermo when he becomes a vampire. And I'll even ask to be changed before we're the same age so you'll stay older. I just want to be older than my parents, that's all.  
-Sounds great. But I think your parents are older than me.  
-They were 16 and 20 when they died.  
-What? I'm dating a minor? ask with horror Jenna.  
-Life expectancy in my mother's day was 36 years. She was the equivalent of a 23-year-old for modern time.   
-Fine. It too late anyway. But I have one question.  
-Yes?  
-Did you creep out my roommate singing morbid contines?  
-Perhaps?  
-Would you please stop?  
-But it's so much fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad that Jenna's not here, but I hope to see her again if there's a season three. And yes, I won't lie: I put some of my frustration as a pansexual, polyamorous woman into it. PORN IS NOT REALITY!!!!! Also, I'm aware that Jenna and Juliet's relationship sounds more like a sister-sister relationship than anything else, but I think it's working.


	6. Pink or Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nadja and Laszlo go shopping and Nandor meets an adversary too strong for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a little baby- toddler stuff.  
> I don't know how common it is but the maternity store I went to with my pregnant friend really does this kind of thing with themes every year. And, yes, it was the same ones as in the story. No more product placement, I swear!

-I have two children. And I'm married to one of them," sighed Nadja.

Laszlo had taken several of the toys out of the presentatory and placed them on the floor in front of their daughter.

-What? It says we can try them, he answered confusedly.  
-Laszlo, we came here to buy clothes. And this stupid store is closing ridiculously early and we still don't have a familier to go to during the day. So speed and efficiency are important.  
-It's not my fault you're picky.  
-I'm not picky, I'm realistic! Look at that! Everything is white, pink or light blue! They know that babies shit, piss, vomit, drool and cover themselves with everything that's lying around, right?  
-You need to stop covering yourself in blood every time we leave a victim lying around, Bantling. I know it's a lot of fun from experience, but it's hard to clean up, Laszlo told Juliet in all seriousness.  
-At least I found cloth diapers.  
-It must be more comfortable than paper.  
-Above all, they can be washed and reused," Nadja explained.  
-Ugh, why? Laszlo asked in disgust.  
-...Because that's what everybody did before 1950, Laszlo.  
-Not me or my entourage. We throw them away and use new ones.  
-Oh wow, your mother who had people wipe your ass and clean for her asks her servants to throw the diapers away? asked Nadja.  
-She was a good person! Can you imagine how hard it was for the maids to get urine and feces out of silk?  
-You used to shit in silk? Who was bloody thrown after?  
-...Can we please not hold me responsible for things I had no control over as an infant?" Laszlo said, realizing he may have pushed a little too hard.

Nadja sighed before saying: 

-Go put that back where you found it.   
-All right, come on, Bantling. Your mother doesn't want us to have fun.  
-Don't make me the bad guy!

Laszlo put the toys back in place with an impatient toddler approaching to his hip.

-Bat!Bat!BAAATTT!!!   
-Not now!We'll play bat at home, Juliet. We don't do that in public.

But the little girl continued shouting the word until Laszlo noticed that she was pointing at something.A stuffed bat on a shelf.

-Oh. Is that what you want? Why not, that's lovely, said the vampire as he picked up the toy.

Juliet reached for the toy, but Laszlo kept him away.

-What do we say?

Juliet observed him before she hug her father.

-Aw, I wanted a please or a thank you, but that's good too, said Laszlo as he gave the bat away.

Suddenly Laszlo realized that the entire section on the right side was filled mostly with bat-themed objects. 

-Miss, forgive me," said Laszlo as he arrested an employee. -What it all that?   
-Oh, those are this year's themes.  
-Themes?  
-Yes, every year we change. Last year it was I wish I was a mermaid with an aquatic theme and Bro-tosaurus with a dinosaur theme. It's year, it's Little light with a theme of unicorn and rainbow and the other is Growing wild with a theme of nocturnal animals. There is complete package for new parents: everything for the nursery, the bath, a backpack with toys matching the theme and the other essenciel. It's really worth it.  
-You hear that, Juliet? Perfect timing for you! Would you prepare one for us, please? Laszlo asked the saleswoman.  
-Sure. So a Little light kit?  
-No, we are more of the nocturnal side here," says Laszlo, pointing to the stuffed toy in his daughter's arms.

The employee had a moment of surprise but recovered.

-Right away.

*****

-Nadja! Come see what we found!

Nadja won't lie, she's a little worried. Laszlo proudly waits for her with a cart full of baby stuff.

-Laszlo, what the hell is all this?  
-Before you get angry, listen to me: you complaining about how hard it was to wash? There's some white in there but it's mostly black, royal blue, silver, chestnut, red and a little of yellow. Look how cute this is! There's a mobile, everything you need for the bath, bedding, a diaper bag, bottles and everything else we might have missed! Look what the clerk even found for me on the backshop !

Laszlo proudly presented a jammis with a drawing of red drop with a face including canines in its mouth. Underneath, the phrase Yes, I am a Undead was written.

-It's ...It's actually really cute, acknowledged Nadja feeling gave in. -But it must cost a fortune all this!   
-I thought our latest victim was paying? her husband asked. -See if you're worried, I've got money from my last few contracts.  
-Have you had any lately? asked Nadja surprised.  
-It's rarer now, I'm not going to lie but there is still demand for people with my talent and experience. So if that's your only concern, we're in the clear. Also, I don't think Juliet will take it very well if you try to take her new friend away from her," Laszlo said, pointing to the toddler who was holding the bat plush in her arms.  
-You're devious, said Nadja.  
-And that only equals by my beauty," smiles Laszlo. -Let's see if we can get all this delivered or if we need to borrow Gizmo.

*****

-I think it's all there. Do you do deliveries? Nadja asked.  
-For an extra, yes, says the cashier. -Unless you have the card...   
-I have the card that makes you deliver all this for free, says Nadja using her hypnosis.  
-Perfect," said the cashier with an empty look in her eyes.

The cashier started passing the items before Nadja stopped her.

-Is it possible to send someone to check the price of the bat stuffed animal? I don't think my baby girl wants to give it back, says Nadja.  
-Don't worry, it happens all the time. I've got the price list here and I'll type it in manually.   
-She'll have to give it back at some point, said a voice behind them.

Laszlo and Nadja turned around to see a woman also holding a full basket and twins sitting in it.

-I'm sorry, what? Laszlo asked in a tone that clearly showed otherwise.  
-It's for the next one, all this! She can't keep it, said the woman.  
-Are you calling my wife fat? Laszlo got angry.  
-It's nothing, darling. No, it's for her. We are satisfied with our little girl, Nadja answered coldly.   
-You bought the whole boy's kit! The shelf is blue, see? It's the one in front, the pink one is for the girls! Growing wild is for boys and Little light is for girls! The woman explain angry.

Nadja and Laszlo look at the woman, confused and trying to understand what she meant. 

-...I'm sorry to be the one to teach you that but there are female bats, ends up saying Nadja.   
-And I'm British, I can't decorate my daughter's room with unicorns without risking a political argument every time I have fellow compatriots at home.  
-Now, me and my husband are in a hurry, so can we fini...  
-You can't use the boys' equipment on her, you'll confuse her! She's gonna think she's a boy!  
-She' s a baby! She doesn't even understan the concept of gender ! Nadja said frustrated.  
-And it's not gonna get any better if you giver her boys toys and cross-dress her, insisted the woman.   
-I don't think that's going to be a problem," said the cashier pointing to the baby.

The toddler was dressed in a green dress with lace representing teddy bears in Victorian dress, a matching hairband and Mary-Jane shoes

-Ma'am, I think they just like the nocturnal animal theme.My colleague went to get some Halloween supplies in the reserve for them. It's true that the store has a tradition of making a different theme for boys and girls, but it is the parents' choice in the end.  
-Thank you miss, said Laszlo. -How can you even cross-dress a baby?   
Is that why your kids have their hairs cut off like they have lice? And why you complicate life by putting pants on them?  
-My sons aren't gonna grow up to be ...  
-I wore dress until I was 7 and had long hair until I was 10. I never doubted my masculinity, Laszlo says proudly.   
-It's not my fault that your parents...  
-Everybody did it where I come from: toddlers' long hair is like catnip for an old lady. Better keep them long if you want your mother-in-law to leave you alone! And skirts are just easier when your little ones aren't yet independent with their hygienic needs. You wear pants only when you can get dressed and take care of your hygienic needs alone. It's like the first stage of manhood, say with pride Laszlo.  
-Don't tell me you had a party of Congratulations on not peeing herself anymore? ask his wife.   
-I realize it's injustice to the fair sex, my dear, and I have no problem making one for our daughter when the time comes," says Laszlo missing the point.

At least his heart is in the right place, thought Nadja.

-I will speak on behalf of my own mother: she had a bunch of children to feed, clothe and hope will not get chlorera. She didn't have the bloody time or resources to decide which colour was for a boy or a girl! And we were grateful for any toy that is more complex than a stick and pebbles! Children have this incredible faculty called imagination! Give them a doll, it will be their baby one day and their soldier the next.   
-Well, it'll be your fucking problem that she turns dyke or tranny, the woman replied. -You should be ashamed of yourself for abused of her.

Oh, she's dead, Laszlo thought amused at he see the expression on his wife's face.

-Nice language to use in front of your children. Poor little boys, your mother's love for you is conditional. And abused our daughter? THAT'S RICH COMING FROM A WOMAN OBSESSED WITH MY BABY'S PRIVATE PARTS! Nadja said loud and clear.

Several people in the store start staring at the woman insistently. The woman began to blush embarrassed.

-I don't know what you're trying to imply...  
-Only that you're obsessed with my daughter's private parts and her sexuality. Which is really disturbing because babies are asexual, pure, fragile little beings. I'm starting to get really worried about your childrens. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors if you're so comfortable doing this to strangers' babies. 

The cashier leaned over to Laszlo to whisper:

-I think I'm in love with your wife now.  
-Aren't we all? smile Laszlo. 

The woman picked up her children and abandoned her chariot. 

-Hey, you can't leave without paying! One of your brats soiled the sweaters, said Laszlo.

*****

-Should've killed her, Laszlo complains.  
-That would've left two kids motherless unless you felt like having sons, Nadja replied.  
-I try and I didn't like it. The humiliation was enough, I guess.  
-Bat! Juliet screamed as she threw her new plush into the air.

Nadja made a vague gesture with her hand to make the toy float a little before falling back into the child's arms.The little girl makes cheerful noises, starts her act up again.   
-She's lucky to have you, you know," Laszlo continued.  
-Coming from you, that means a lot, tease him Nadja.  
-What would you think if you and I had a little grown-up fun?  
-We have a nursery decorated and someone who wants to enjoy her new toys," Nadja remarked.  
-I can fix this.

*****

-Good evening, Nandor.  
-Hi, how was shopping?  
-Interesting. Did you know that now people have imposed colors on children? Nadja asked.  
-Vaguely. I knew the tradition was red or pink for boys and blue or green for girls.  
-Really, isn't it the other way around? Ask Laszlo.  
-Red is associated with men because it's the color of power and pink is just light red then. The blue is from the girl who made her baby alone. But it's a hard color to make, so green did the trick. Note, if one of my wives had wanted to have the servant whipped for putting pink on one of my daughters or blue on my sons, I would have found that she was exaggerating.   
-Purple is the color of royalty, otherwise who gives a fu...care? concludes Laszlo. -Hey, it's possible the delivery's coming during the day, do you think Gizmo could pick it up on the way? Maybe take a look around, see if there's anything to fix? The instructions are almost always in Spanish.  
-I thought Nadja could read Spanish, said surprised Nandor.  
-I lost my glasses, says Nadja.

Nandor sighed but finally said:

-All right, you can use Guillermo.But only this time because you are young parents! Don't make a habit of it.  
-Say thank you to Nandor, Juliet, said Nadja as she put the toddler down in front of Nandor.  
-Ador, Juliet said as she tried to hold on to Nandor.  
-It's Nandor. Nan-Dor!  
-She's two, give her a chance, Laszlo says curtly.  
-Bat," said Juliet as she threw her toy to Nandor.  
-Hey! Don't do that! That's not nice!  
-Bat... whimpering the toddler as her face crumpled up.  
-She just wanted you to catch it, said angry Nadja. -To play with her!  
-Oh, said Nandor realizing his mistake.  
-Let's forget it, dear. I guess I'm a rarity in this field too; not everyone is good with children," said Laszlo with a superior expression.  
-I was a father, may I remind you!  
-Is that so?You think you'd be able to take care of her for an hour? No, I don't believe it. You couldn't even for half an hour! Laszlo continued mercilessly.  
-I could watch her for an hour, two even!  
-Are you sure? Nadja asked hesitantly. -Maybe it's a little long...   
-No, we'll manage! Get out! Nandor said, picking up the little girl and her toy.  
-If that's what you want, said Laszlo, trying not to smile.   
-There are bottles in the fridge, I'll leave you the diaper bag and the new toys, if you need them... started Nadja, already regretting.  
-It’s fin, I know what I'm doing," Nandor insisted.  
-Very well Nandor, later Bantling, said Laszlo send a kiss to his daughter before running away with his wife.

Once we were alone, Laszlo began to chuckle:

-It worked better than I thought it would!  
-If something happened to her, said Nadja had she show her real vampire face.  
-He won't hurt her. I've seen him when he looks at me with the little one. He's melancholy. It's good for him. And if he's really clueless, there's still Gizmo.  
-I trust Gizmo, recognized Nadja who suddenly seemed lighter.

She pinned Laszlo against the wall, starting to kiss him.

-We've got two hours to ourselves. What at are you in the mood for? Laszlo asked when they finally split up.  
-It's a good thing you asked. Something you said gave me an ideas, Nadja smiles.  
-And what's that? I say a lot of sexy things.  
-That you never doubted your masculinity even in a dress and with long hair. Is that still the case?   
-Only one way to find out.

*****

Guillermo returned to the vampires after trying to find virgins (the chastity club looked promising) and he saw someone about to ring the doorbell.

-Hi, can I help you?  
-Good evening, yes, it's for a delivery. I need a signature.  
-Let me see. Oh, this must be for Nadja and Laszlo.  
-Are you the nanny?  
-Uh, roommate. It fine if I sign?  
-Work for me.  
-Thank you and good evening, sire.

While Guillermo was dragging the numerous packages around the house (nothing seemed too good for their little princess), he heard his master's voice.

GUILLERMO HHHHHHHEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!

-Master?!

Guillermo left his stain and went to the living room where he found a large black dog lying on the floor. Lie down on his side was Juliet sleeping peacefully with a stuffed bat in her arms.

-Awww.  
-Guillermo! This is no time to do AWWW, I've been stuck like this for half an hour. Every time I try to move, she starts sobbing! HELP ME! said Nandor by the ether.  
-Sorry master, I was picking up the packages...  
-Well, don't just stand there! Go set up Nadja and Laszlo's damn nursery. She weighs on my bladder, I don't know how long I'll last.  
-Right away, master.

Technically, Guillermo lied. He took the time to take a quick picture with his cell phone. He was sure his master would be happy to have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink for girls and blue for boys as well as different clothing for young children according to their gender is an extremely modern concept. Depending on the country and time, they started to be given clothes according to their sex somewhere between 4 and 12 years old (7 years old seems to be the most common age).  
> Pink for boys and blue for girls was also more common before the 1950s but no one would have lost their mind if you did the opposite.  
> The thing about silk diapers is true, but it wasn't the norm even among the rich. And celebrating not needing a diaper is also a real thing for boys but as Laszlo's age is not known if it was when he was born but it was too funny not to include it.  
> Also, I dedicate a chapter to Noiraud, one of our first cats who really let my little sister sleep on her belly with her giant toddler head on it more than once without complaining.


	7. Lullaby and fairy tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody wake up the baby...

-So do you need me to explain the plan again? Laurel asked.

Melissa refrains from groaning. We get it, Laurel. It's not neurosurgery. She with Howard and Stephane listens to her for the 100th time explain the plan. After all their search and training, they were finally ready.

They're gonna kill vampires! 

They has identified a residence, some kind of Victorian house that seems to be in surprisingly good shape. Probably because there's a Latino guy’s maintaining it. Howard thinks he's a familiar, like Renfield in Dracula. Melissa had asked if he could be under hypnosis or something, but Laurel had cut her off. And she won't even repeat what Stephen said. They know they are 4: A tall arab guy with long hair, a woman who looks like the goth version of the bitch in every work of the Bronte sisters, a guy who really looks like Stephen Toast and the last one who just looked like the accountant. This one was an energy vampire. The info on these seemed hard to find. They still bought the product from Gwyneth Paltrow just in case. At 40 bucks plus shipping for 3.4 inches, this crap better work!

Melissa had already memorize the plan in her head: he would each take a vampire and kill it. Then they might go around to see if they had any prisoners or addresses of other vampires. Melissa had asked if they could release the prisoners first, but Laurel had refused. Howard remarked that it was indeed more prudent to get rid of the monsters before freeing the hostages, who they don't even know if exist. He was right, she must have giving it to him, but she was sure Laurel said no because it wasn't her idea. Stephen also asked how they were going to separate money and valuables. Seriously, man? Between that and the weird questions he asked her about her sexuality with the excuse that vampires like virgin blood better. Sure, creep, that was you ask if she had tried anal.

They would surrender the house this afternoon when the sun was still shining and the blood drinkers were asleep. They'd have stakes, garlic, crosses, some holy water, the spray, Laurel had put all that silver jewelry on and encouraged others to do the same. Stephen insisted on bringing his gun even though Melissa told him it was stupid. Howard managed to convince him to only take it if he could find silver bullets. He had, by example, join with her when Stephen offered to bring gas to burn. Fuck, they're in a residential area! What if the fire go somewhere else?

-So do you think you're ready? Laurel asked, dividing. -You don't look like it!

Because I don't look like a bad cosplayer? Melissa wanted to scream when she saw Laurel's overly tight leather outfit. Melissa for her part had opted for a hooded sweater, comfortable dark jeans, combat boots, sports protection (she was on a budget and didn't want it to be too heavy or bulky). She even went to the hairdresser to get a pixie cut so that her hair wouldn't be a problem.

-I am, and anyway it's my car we're using so...

*****

When they arrive at their destination, Steven forces the lock with an ease that surprised and made Melissa uncomfortable. Once inside, Laurel, who had decided she was in charge, assigned the roles to everyone.

-All right, everybody take a floor, and if you find a vampire, you deal with it. We'll meet in the lobby once the monsters are taken out, you got it?  
-What about the familiar? He's a human, you can't kill him! Says Howard.  
-He works with vampires.Why are you worried about that wet...ask Stephan.  
-We have no proof he's not under hypnosis or a hostage! says a frustrated Melissa.  
-Just knocked him out and tied him up. We'll see about him later," Laurel said.

Melissa inherited the second floor. She searched the rooms as quietly as possible, finally finding a crypt. After she put on her night-vision goggles and pulled out her stake, Melissa went in. The room was decorated with taxidermy animals in different poses and in the background she noticed 2 coffins. Shit. There is a couple? What's she doing now? Go find one of the others to help her? They should never have split up!

But her mental gymnastics get cut off when she notices something else in the room. It's a crib, an old model that looks like it's straight out of Victorian times. A dark wood carved piece of furniture with white curtains hiding its contents. A baby giraffe (is there no limit to their perversion?) seems to be leaning over with a module hanging from its neck. A module decorated with a moon and bats circling around it. There are other items scattered in this corner of the room that look like they're straight out of perky goth baby magazine.

That’s not possible...She means they're dead, right? Unless it's like in Van Helsing or Twilight? Yuck. Or maybe it like in Interview with a vampire. Just even younger than Claudia. Fuck, that's intrigue from the last book of Twilight. Preparing mentally for what she was about to find, Melissa tightened her grip on her stake and opened the curtains. 

There's definitely a baby in there. Not really pale, the opposite in fact. She can see the toddler's chest rise with every breath. Just to make sure, Melissa runs a finger against the baby's skin. It's warm. It's a real baby, not some kind of undead monstrosity! What the hell's he doing here? They killed his parents and they felt bad? Or is it the child, nephew, other family connection of the guy who serves them as their slave in exchange for not killing him? Or... it's a toy, they'll play house until the piglet is to their liking and eat it. Vampires like virgin blood after all.

Screw Laurel's plan, the others will understant. Melissa picks up the baby. He wiggles before opening his eyes. The baby looks at her, confused. Melissa smiles, trying to be reassuring. 

He screams, so loud, Melissa almost drops him. She notices out of the corner of her eye that the coffins are moving. Heartbroken, she quickly puts the baby back in its cradle, before hiding behind one of the large taxidermy animals. 

-What time is it?" asked a tired female voice.  
-3:30 in the afternoon, groans a male voice that seemed just as tired.  
-Sigh...Go ahead, it's your turn.  
-No, I did it last time.  
-No, you did, three days ago. You didn't get up yesterday!  
-I didn't hear anything.You should have woken me up!  
-I wasn't gonna leave my daughter in a dirty diaper for 20 minutes because you were bloody sound asleep! So you've been racking up rounds...  
-We never talked about that!

Not only is Melissa caught in a room with two vampires, but she is caught in a room with two vampires bickering with a crying baby. Couldn't be any worse?

-I'm your husband!  
-Oh really? You want to go there?  
-I mean, if one of us has to...  
-I've had enough! You take care of her, I'm going upstairs!

Before the male was able to stop her, the female turned into a bat and flew out of the room. The male sighed but headed towards the crib.

-What's wrong, Bantling? At least it's not a dirty nappy. Are you hungry? No. Did your friend fall on the floor? No, he’s still in the cot. You're not sick, are you? Doesn't look like it. Then why did you wake us when the sun was still shining?

Melissa wonders if she could take advantage of the fact that he was back to her to drive a stake through his heart and run out of the house with the baby in her arms.

-Aha, I get it. You had a nightmare! That's why you're crying and you don't want to go back to sleep because you're afraid it'll come back? Don't worry, your father has a solution for that.

A rocking chair passes close to her almost making her scream but she managed to stop a sound from crossing her lips. The vampire takes the toddler from the crib, wrapped her up in a blanket and sits with her in the chair.

-Hush, my little baby, don't say a word, Papa's gonna buy a Mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don't sing, Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring...

Are you kidding? She's stuck behind a taxidermy boar while a vampire singing a lullaby not even creepy to a baby to put her back to sleep? No, fuck no! He's the same kind of fucking monster that killed her brother! He has no right to pretend to be a nice daddy when he's probably eating the kid's real parents in his arms with his wife!

-And if that horse and the cart fall down, my sweet little baby maybe killing the naughty girl will make you happy, concludes the vampire.

Melissa feels her blood turn cold when she hears the last words. But it's too late. Nadja falls from the ceiling directly on to her. The vampire drains her of her blood and tears off her limbs under the gaze of Laszlo and their child. 

-Mama!  
-Yes, Mama killed the naughty girl! We're proud of her! Laszlo said as he kissed his daughter. -So what's the news, dear? Laszlo asked to his wife.

Nadja spat on the corpse, said something in Greek before answering.

-There were three others, Nandor killed one and Gizmo managed to push two into the cell. I'm sure the male is a virgin, frustrated as he is.  
-At least that's a win.  
-We've had losses, too.  
-Oh no, who?  
-The female threw a liquid on Colin Robinson.It said psychic vampire repellent on the bottle.  
-Did it work?  
-Yeah, but I think it would work on everyone. Smells like an old cheap French brothel. He's probably gonna have to throw away the clothes he was wearing. And the carpet he was in.  
-Which carpet?  
-The one with the motif of butterfly caught in spider webs, Nadja said hesitantly.  
-No! Not that one, I love that rug! I could never find a new one, it comes from Holland!  
-And the weaver's probably dead, too. Gizmo's going to try to wash it, but don't get your hopes up.  
-Fine, said Laszlo annoyed.  
-How is my little armadillo? Nadja asked as she approached the baby.  
-Much better, but I don't think she wants to go back to bed after all the excitement," says Laszlo as he places the toddler in her arms.  
-Is that so? Don't you want to go back to sleep, young lady? Never mind, mama will tell you a story to help you to fall asleep. After I scolded Papa.  
-Oh, said Laszlo with a big smile.  
-Not like that, Laszlo.  
-What did I do now?  
-This idiocy of I am your husband!  
-It's my job to protect my family…  
-We said it would be equal. If there's any danger, the nearest take her and get out.  
-There's a reason why people said women and children first in bad situation," Laszlo defended himself.  
-Maybe, but I'm more stealthy than you and don't let it go to your head but... you're the best at calming the little one down.  
-I am? I mean off course, I am!  
-I said don't let it go to your head, says Nadja, sitting in the chair with Juliet.

To her surprise, Laszlo put his head in her lap.

-What are you doing?  
-I'm settling in. I want to hear the story, too.  
-Do you want to hear one of my silly fairy tales from my village? Nadja asked amusedly.  
-What fairy tale is not silly? Laszlo asked. -I won't judge. My favorites are Snow White and Puss in boots.  
-Why would a cat have boots?  
-Because people respect him with it. I told you it was ridiculous. Start, so we can go back to bed soon.  
-Alright. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Lamia... 

******

-And since that time, no one dares to kill the snakes without good reason or else Lamia will devour their children to avenge them. The end.

Juliet sleeps deeply against Nadja, nice and warm in her blanket. Nadja could put her back in her crib if she didn't look so cosy. Or if her idiot father wasn't snoring in Nadja's lap. Anyway, they're both too cutes for her to wake them up and Nadja has eaten something at least. But Laszlo's definitely gonna have three more shifts where he'll be on duty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I wrote this chapter before the 2X04 episode but I'm really slow to correct my spelling mistakes (and I always forget some).  
> I'm also trying to use British rather than American expressions now.  
> Rip Melissa, I don't think vampire hunters are necessarily bad people, on the contrary. Speaking of which, I feel terrible about killing Shanice. Anybody want her back? I'd really like to see a confrontation with Jenna.


End file.
